Originally Posted by kowalski

Hey man,

It's hard to say without being there whether this girl likes you as a friend or a potential lover. I know girls who are touchy feely with everyone and a lot depends on how confident she is.

Most of the guys who do well at this sort of stuff assume it is on. You should do the same. Trying to work it out from body language etc. is not worth the effort and gets you right inside your head, which is bad.

So, assume it is on you are the coolest mutha fucka alive why wouldn't it be on. Know that girls are totally open to being attracted to you. They want an awesome guy to come along and seduce them. This means that you don't have to be perfect, all you have to do is not be a prick. Make your intentions and interest clear. How? At an appropriate moment tell her she is sexy / hot / cute and why you think so. Know that escalating and closing are pretty much your responsibility and you should escalate until she flat out rejects your advances or you close.

And, know this, really know it because it is the truth, I swear to you; there is no girl who is out of your league looks-wise. Male to female attraction is nothing like female to male attraction. We predominantly measure value in terms of looks, girls predominantly measure value in terms of a man's behaviour and how others behave around him.

In summary:
You are a badass mutha fucka
No-one is out of your league
Looks don't matter
Don't try to work out if a girl likes you
Assume it is always on

Girls want to be seduced
All she needs is for you to not be a prick
Make your interest clear by stating it
It is your responsibility to escalate
It is your responsibility to close

Just knowing these things, actually knowing them balls to bone, will get most people as far as they want to go.

Originally Posted by Tom

K speaks the truth don't bother trying to figure out if she likes you assume it.

Originally Posted by kowalski

Dude,

You got schooled. Girl totally outgamed you and taught you some very important lessons. Don't read situations, you will get it wrong. Feel your way through situations, you'll be right much more often if you trust your feelings. Don't be thinking about what to do, just do things. In other words get out of your head and into the moment. What does all this add up to, one word ... authenticity.

Originally Posted by Tom

No this isn't some mystic thing or nlp stuff, I haven't been on in a while and I thought i'd waffle abit about projecting thoughts into peoples heads. ie thinking you know what someone is thinking.

This is a pretty dangerous thing to do and sometimes it may actually seem like you are right. However because you are thinking a certain thing like "she finds me boring" then you will start to look for more reasons and clam up and act upon those thoughts. Then when she loses interest you say to yourself that she did find you boring.

Up to that point she could have been really into you but because you got in your head and started looking and acting on thoughts that have no real basis just hunches.

This also aplies to presuming thoughts before you've even approached them, like "i'm not her type" or "she'll think i'm weird". If you go up thinking these thoughts you're going to act on them in a negative way.

Any thoughts/comments welcome! I'm not a fucking mind reader!

Originally Posted by nova

Good post Tom, and nice to see you back here.

It's the same principle when a guy is on a date and he attempts to work out 'if she likes me'. He will try to watch and listen out for IOIs cues and assume certain things. Unfortunately he will get so caught up in the inconsistencies and focus on the negative or lack of IOIs he will become unsure of himself and fail to escalate things.

Assuming you know what a girl is thinking or intending is poisonous to any man's game. The only assumption I believe in (and you've said this yourself before Tom) is 'assume that it's on'.

Originally Posted by nova

With this assuming you know what the girl is thinking, you can end up creating your very own limiting beliefs, even if they are just in that moment. You can end up thinking too much and talk yourself out of a potentially positive situation. Even thought the girl is more than likely thinking great things about you!

Like Kowalski said on a thread recently, it is best to 'feel you way around'... as opposed to trying to predict and look out for indicators.

Originally Posted by kowalski

Great post Tom.

This is what Sartre calls your being-for-others. He talks about how when others observe us we find ourselves defining ourselves in, what we believe are, the terms of the observer and then behaving in ways to change that definition to the one we want them to have. However, our being-for-others is something we can never know or control. (He also argues that the feeling of shame is a proof of the existence of others completely individuated from the self.)

Therefore, as you can't know or control your being-for-others, let it go. Concentrate on your being-for-itself, how you define you, and behave accordingly. This is incredibly powerfull. Everyone must have at least one experience of this. Where you are so comfortable that you are completely in the moment, freely expressing yourself and had everyone hang off your words, laugh at all your jokes etc. That, in Sartre's terms, is because you've let go of your being-for-others.