Angry. Angry angry angry angry angry.

For the last few weeks I've been learning the basic principles of direct game. I've learned that some of the most important principles you can apply involve assigning yourself a higher value than any female you interact with, leading, and taking what you want. Tonight I went on a date with the HB9.5 from the FR above. Sadly, tonight, I failed to apply any of the principles above.

This field report actually starts yesterday. I also met up with the HB6 from the FR above. My reasons for this were, simply, that I am keen to spend as much time around girls as possible at the moment. Its all practice and experience. The date yesterday was a storming success. She arrived, and I hugged her, very OTT. Immediately I led - her arm went straight into mine, with me putting it there, and we went for coffee. Kino was there in abundance. We went for a walk around the Liverpool Tate art gallery, and joked about the sculptures in there. All the time, she was on my arm, or holding my hand. We left the gallery, and went for a walk along the riverside. Half way down, I stopped, and kissed her. It was straight forward. We then went to a tea shop for a cup of tea on my suggestion (phrased as 'Lets go and drink weird tea and act like we think its delicious when really neither of us can stand it' rather than 'Do you want to go for a cup of tea?). We spent an hour and a half in there, and much of it kissing more. Finally, I drove her home. Outside her house, we kissed again, in the car. As we did, I pulled her over onto my lap. She straddled me in the driver's seat as we kissed very passionately, lots of groping. I invited her back to mine, but she declined. Far enough perhaps.

But the whole of yesterday's date was a perfect, precise application of those basic PUA principles. Confidence, dominance, assigning yourself higher value, not letting yourself work for her affection, leading, taking what I wanted, when I wanted, and ploughing through bucket loads of kino.

Tonight, sadly, with the HB9.5, was very different.

Now there is a proviso here: last week, I K-closed the HB6. I only N-closed the HB9.5. So there is a potential footnote to say that myself and the HB6 were already at a head start.

However, that is no excuse for what was, frankly, a fucking dismal performance from myself. Conversation flowed. I went out with Kowalski's words ringing in my ears: 'Say anything'. And I did, and she laughed. No routine anywhere - that stuff isn't for me. The HB9.5 laughed like a drain, and at times I even felt like she was really trying to laugh to impress me. At this point, she still had me firmly in the frame I left her in last week - confident and leading and dominant.

We had a drink first. I found it difficult to go kino as we did, but I didn't mind as much. We got outside to walk down to the cinema. My plan was, as we did, to link arms with her as I did with the HB6. But it didn't happen. She took out a cigarette and for the first half of the walk was trying to light it. Then for the second half she was smoking it, and carrying her bag with the other hand. No kino.

Then, the horror story: the cinema. This is an arty farty cinema (FACT in Liverpool, for those who know it. The film we were watching wasA Prophet - same director as The Beat That My Heart Skipped, but not nearly as good and about 40 minutes too long), and we were in the room that has sofas instead of seats. So, we sit on a sofa. Next to each other. And then for the whole, excruciating 2 and a half hours of film, we weren't a couple on a date. We were two people sat on a sofa watching a film. I told myself to just take her hand. But I didn't. I told myself to put my arm around her. But I didn't. I didn't have the guts. And instead we just sat there, 6 centimetres separating us which might as well have been 60 feet.

As this happened, the attraction washed away. I could feel it draining through the sofa and onto the floor around my feet. I was no longer the dynamic, decisive, bold, leading man who had absolutely swept her away in a whirlwind 15 minute pick up last week. Instead I was now this shy, nervous, tip-toeing excuse for a man, worried about what might go wrong if he took action.

The film finished. We headed outside. I could feel it going wrong. We decided to head back to my place for a cup of popcorn tea. As we did, I tried to grab that leading frame back. She said she was cold, so I pulled her arm into my arm, and stuffed her hand into my pocket with mine. We got to the car. I guess that was the moment I should have said to her 'Come here... No, a bit closer...' and then leant in and kissed her. But I didn't. We finished sharing a cigarette, and then got in.

As we drove, she suggested we go to hers instead. Fine by me. So we got to her flat. Once inside, we chatted away for ages. I found it just as easy speaking to the HB9.5 as I did with the HB6 - and myself and the HB6 have much more in common. But I still couldn't escalate. We sat at her dinner table, and drank tea. I was trying to open my body a little to her in the hope that she'd respond. But she didn't. The more time went on, the more closed off her body language became.

At one point she took me to her mate's bedroom to show me some photographs. Here, I went kino again with my hand on her back (which was feeling increasingly unnatural) and tried to position myself in front of her where we would be able to chat then kiss. But she quickly moved aside. Looking back, by now, she had made her mind up, and was swerving opportunities to kiss.

Finally it was time for me to go home (about an hour ago), when she said 'Well, you've got work tomorrow, I don't want to keep you too long'. I pulled my coat and scarf on. We walked to the door. We hugged and I kissed her on the cheek. I stepped back. We said good night. And stupidly, I leant back in for a final peck on the lips before leaving.

This was the worst possible thing I could have done. There might as well have been a huge, bright green neon sign flashing above my head which said "WE HAVEN'T KISSED TONIGHT EVEN THOUGH WE BOTH PROBABLY WANTED TOO."

And that's that. The end of a hopeless example of how not to act on a date.

Analysis

I have the luxury of two dates with different levels of girls to provide an insight into a major part of my game which needs addressing and handling very quickly: value.

Now, I'm not talking about DHV. That's different. I'm talking about how I assign levels of value to girls, and also to myself. This is a fundamental principle of male-female relationships. And it is clearly a major flaw in my game.

With the HB6, I was clear about the value hierarchy. I felt as if I was out of her league. I felt as if she would actually be delighted to be on a date with me (seriously, I'll honestly admit that. I feel as if the HB6 has done well with me). And as such, I didn't really have anything to fear. Frankly, I could have said or done near enough anything yesterday, and nothing untoward would have happened, such was my value dominance over the girl.

Tonight, that situation was turned right on its head. I found myself saying to friends how the HB9.5 was out of my league. I had myself beat before I even turned up tonight. She was amazing. She was incredible. She was unbefuckinglievable. I kept my best clothes clean for tonight, I had a shower when I got in where I washed myself twice over instead of the usual once, I did my hair perfectly... She didn't have to do anything tonight. The deal was sealed. I felt as if I had to win her.

Put simply, I awarded her a superior value to myself, which I felt meant I couldn't act through my own intentions. I didn't want to take her hand in case she didn't like me, or thought it was weird, or whatever else.

This is a major sticking point in my game. I feel intimidated by beautiful girls. All my life, I've watched the most beautiful women walk by and felt as if they don't take any notice of me. They've been on a higher plane than me. You know, I've even felt in the past like they're a different species to me. I always used to avoid talking to the really beautiful girls in Uni halls, because I couldn't possibly understand them. As such I've tended to wind up with girls way beneath my level, and who I know I can do better than.

All of that came to the surface again tonight. Honestly - really honestly - I felt silly talking about the stuff I did (which was 100% stuff I wanted to talk about, I was authentic as fuck). I thought how she must have these really great guys chasing her all the time, the chiselled ones who go snow boarding and ski jumping and rock climbing and deep sea diving. What could she possibly want with a normal guy like me?

I need to conquer that fear. That's a big thing.

Positives

There have been some positives from tonight, none the less. I found that conversationally, I was on top form. Even after a long 10 hour day of work, I gabbed like a lunatic. I really can talk for England when I get going, and it was lovely to just let that release without really caring whether she liked it or not. As contradictory as that sounds, given what I've just been saying about value, I didn't feel like I cared what she thought about what I said. And it was the same yesterday. I felt that the conversations I had, both yesterday and tonight, have been at times dazzling. Really, I am very happy with them.

I've also been on 2 dates. And that's progress - 2 weeks ago, I was getting angry at not closing. Now I've closed, I'm getting angry at myself for having shit dates. Soon, I'll be getting angry at myself for not F-closing, or F-F-closing, or F-F-F-closing, or whatever else. I'm relentless on myself when it comes to self improvement. But even so, I should acknowledge that 2 dates is good progress.

And, of course, there is the point to make that an HB9.5 wanted to go on a date with me. And regardless of the positives and negatives of the night, that in itself is groundbreaking. However, its clear there are still some very lumpy bits to iron out.

This is still going to take a very long time to get right. I guess so far so good - but with every success you have, like last week when I closed for the first time, it opens up a whole new arena to succeed in. They say PUA is like a giant computer game. It actually is: you finally complete level 6 after months of trying to work it out and getting angry and frustrated, but then you don't revel in any particular pleasure, but get straight into level 7, and get frustrated all over again.

Anyway, that's that for now. I'm up for work in less than 5 hours. Meeting Flickster on my lunch hour tomorrow for some day game. No time to stop now...