Thanks Tom.
I need to now be straight with every girl in my life and stop burying my head in the sand and hoping everything will sort its selves out. That behaviour is what gets you in trouble and then in positions where you become trapped and it then becomes messy.

To add to my statement of using routine like the ring routine as a backup...I have suddenly realised that i'm not going to use these at all as i would be then be trying to claw back a set that was originally going no where.
Instead I need to just move on and reflect on where it went wrong as i'd end up feeling like i've tricked a girl to like me instead of just using my own personality.

Thanks

James

'Just need to make sure that I play this carefully now and don't get suckered into another relationship' - Omg, you sound just like me lol. I've told myself now that i'm never EVER letting that happen again. Glad you found my post useful, hope it all goes well for you man.

Nick

Friday 2nd October 09

Completely forgot that is was another mates birthday today until I got a text at 4 from a mate asking if I was up for going to Brighton for it.
I had hurt my shoulder doing too much at Kung Fu all week so decided to blow out Jujitsu and then decided to blow out the leaving do i was supposed to be going on.
Got to a mates in Crawley at 9 only to find he was nowhere near getting ready so whilst we waited for his only top to be tumble dried, we played Fifa and drank a few warm up beers.
We got a lift to the train station and whilst in the car, I managed to spill a massive amount of fosters all over my crutch leaving a blatant looking piss stain, fuck!
Fortunately it had pretty much dried off by the time we got into Brighton and finished the ridiculously large vodka drink that we had brought for the journey.
We phone the birthday boy to find out where he is, They (a big mixed group) are in Yates' so we join them and spend about 10 minutes in there before they decide they want to leave to go to Oceana. (thats twice in 3 weeks I've been to the more commercial part of Brighton and it's starting to annoy me. I don't know what the obsession with girls and those kind of clubs are! Brighton has a much better night-life outside the main strip from the train station!)

Me and a mate get to Oceana later as had to finish our drinks and open a set with some girls in the queue whilst we are waiting to get in. This doesn't really go anywhere as when we get in we are more concerned with getting a drink and finding the rest of everyone.
Open the bar maid and chat a while as the bar wasn't very busy. I saw how bad it got at one point last time i was in there so did this so i could get served quicker which works in my favour later on. On reflection i should have carried on more with this as she was about an 8 or 9 but I was being pulled away by my mate who was desperate to find everyone.
Went outside for a fag and saw the girls from the queue. They looked deep in conversation and i wanted to interject but then started to get deep inside my head.
After a minute of arguing with myself, i think fuck it and interrupt them which was a bad idea in the end. I crashed and burned as they were talking about how homesick they were and couldn't lift them.
After that i tried a few more approaches and didn't really get anywhere.
Then got a kebab and taxi home.

Saturday 3rd October 09

Saw the ex today and I finally plucked up the courage to tell her it's all over. She then says as that is the case then she is going out but is going to stay at our flat with me as she wants one last night with me.

19:00 hits and i've got to get out of the flat. I go down to a pub and wait for a few mates who are turning up in an hour. I watch a bit of footy and look a bit lonerish until they turn up as there is no-one in there worth talking to. I text a few people to see if they fancy coming out and then get a text from the Previous Day 2 girl (now named pd2g) saying that she is about and she's dressed up sexily and I should come see her.

we have a few pints in the pub then head to another bar thats having a Coyote Ugly night with some poledancers. The place is rammed and finally get to the bar and get some drinks. Unfortunately my ex is in there and she comes over and says hello. We move on to a better viewing area and then the ex and her mates come over and start chatting with us!
We finish our drinks asap and head to the bar that PD2G is at. That is packed and we can't get in so go to the bar round the corner get some drinks and sit upstairs.
i text the PD2G and tell her where we are and they meet us 15 mins later, all hammered. after a minute of talking to the girl she pretty much rapes my mouth with hers then forces all of us to go to the only club in Horsham (if you can call it that, everyone hates it but everyone still goes!) along with the promise of "if i go then i'm guaranteed sex later".
We get to the club, i open a few sets in the queue then at the bar. Then chat to the bar man and get a free drink. I then see all of my ex's mates in there so have a chat with them and find out my ex has gone back to the flat so i decide i need to avoid the PD2G until my ex's mates have gone home (they are all light weights and never last longer then 30 mins in the club).
They go home early as predicted so do a bit of grinding and then get isolated. PD2G is really tired, drunk and her legs are hurting and wants to go home and has now starting to get really bratty (big turn off and something i'm going to have to quash if this starts to go any further). I don't want to go and can't go with her so find her mates and get them to take her home.
She texts me saying that she's waiting for me outside which i ignore for a while and then text back later.
I open a couple more sets outside whilst having a fag then leave once the place closes and go get a kebab and then home again.


Reflections

1. I have never opened so much in my life. I am not worried about crashing and burning and am not going to dwell on this as my only goal of the weekend was to actually open.
I have got to stop the problem of going inside my head but that will come with time and the more i open the better i'll get and the less i'll be going inside my head.
I am really, really happy with this tho as a month ago i wasn't even plucking up the courage to say hello to anyone so am going to just take this weekend as complete positives.

2. Splitting with the ex has now lifted a massive weight off of my shoulders and i feel a lot better about my future now.

3. I hate bratty girls

4. I seem to have a problem now being talked over or not being able to put in my view of the conversation. This is only with some people. Once the other person starts to speak i end up just nodding and yepping along and i cannot interject with my point of view or story as the person talking either ignores/talks over whatever i try to say and carries on or changes the subject to something else. It's pissing me off! Can anyone help apart from the obvious of just talking louder at the same time i'm not sure where to start!

Thanks

James

When you're attempts to contribute to a conversation are drowned out and ignored it is invariably because you have lower value in the eyes of the rest of the group.

Most of everything you'll learn within the community revolves around value. So I'm not gonna even try and explain what it is, how it works or how to be more.

I will say this. Start demanding attention tell people to 'Shut the fuck up and listen to me...' Still being ignored? Stand up, bang your fist on the table and say 'Oi! You ... silence ...'

Dominate people. You won't have to do it too many times before people just know to pay attention. Once it becomes a part of you that you demand to be heard, people will feel that from you and give way automatically.


Peace,

kowalski

i've always been a bit of a push over and far too laid back.
It's time to show my authority!

The thing is you don't really need to do any of that stuff. You just need to know that you will.

Just knowing that if people don't respect you, you will lay the smackdown, is enough. People will sense that from you and pay attention. If you come from a position where you don't have that belief, then yes you may need to act like a dick a couple of times. Just untill you know you've got that in your arsenal and are not afraid to bring it out.


Peace,

kowalski

Thanks,
It is only people who have known me for a few years that do that. Anyone now i meet, i don't allow them the act that way.
I've now got to reshape everyone elses reality of me to allow myself to grow and this means going to the mattresses, lol!

This thread is a great read, its lead me to re-evaluate exactly what i should be starting on. For some reason i seem to have started in the middle, i've been wondering why after i've been confident to approach a small set and isolated, even number/kiss closed, why it never seems to progress to day 2. Now its a painful truth but writing it down here will force me to deal with it head on, i've been a bore... When it comes down to talking to a girl one on one i really only seem to talk about jobs, once i've moved on to something else like hobbies i'm pretty much out of ideas.

I think i need to get out more to be honest, and just start opening, start with a small goal and just meet new people, try and be more fun and interact more. My friends are rarely up for a night out so i'm going to have to start flying solo.

anyway i certainly have hope after reading this and soon i hope to have a field report of my own!

Cheers

Steve

I meant to post something on this a few days ago but didn't get round to it, I've actually had work to do!

Awesome that you're not worried about crashing and burning. You're realising yourself not just from people telling you that the more you do it the easier it will get and you won't get in your own head as much either.

K's advice is good as always about being talked over. I think because we are taught to be polite and let others have their say we go to far and be overly polite and deferential to them.

Thursday 8th October

This isn't a field report as such, more of just a "me" update.
I want to document any little bit of progress i have and as i haven't been out and in a position to try anything since the weekend, i haven't been able to try anything.

I have been texting the PD2G a lot and it seems she really likes me but am now starting to struggle to think of much more to say to her. I am not getting an opportunity to meet up with her to be able to progress this properly as it seems like everytime she or I arrange to meet one one one, she then blows me out! it doesn't bother me as i've always got other things to do instead, i'd just like to get a shag every now and again when i'm promised one, lol!!

On Monday i finished the audio book of the Blueprint. I found this a real amazing listen and although now i look back and try to remember what most of the 20 hours of audio was trying to tell me, i find that i can't really remember any of it! lol!
What i have found though after listening to it is more of a sense of purpose along with the correct path for which to take on my journey. I feel more more calm in myself and happier within.
I want to be able to find that permanent state and become happy within myself and be more whole, which will lead to a great self-esteem and no need for an ego!

On Wednesday, I had got hold of and finished the audio copy of the Flawless Natural.
I wasn't entirely impressed with this. Although it was geared to doing everything naturally and Tim kept saying not to follow his methods and to come from your own core, it made me feel like it would end up produce a lot of copy cats who will just use his exact routines a bit like monkey see, monkey do. I found a lot of it seemed not to be using canned lines but instead canned methods. (i might have gotten the complete wrong end of the stick with this so please correct me).
What i did find really good about it was Intent, Woo and how to use your voice, all which i will try and learn from and use (although woo was covered in the blueprint a lot deeper).
He says to only use one thing at a time and then once mastered go back to it and find something else from it.

I have just started listening to the Flawless Natural again to see what i missed.
Once i have finished it again, i will relisten to the Blueprint.

I am on holiday on Saturday for a week in Turkey and pretty much alone so will have plenty of opportunities to try out opening and some of the points brought up in the past few books (Unless i've manage to pick the only place that is miles out of anywhere with only grannies to attack!).

Thanks

James