I've been very quiet for a little while now. Since the beginning of April, I've stepped back from everything for a few months. I've not been out 'sarging' in that time as work has taken over. But even since then, I've stepped back for reasons other than work. And on reflection, I think that despite some success with the few months I've been gameing, there was always something I found deeply uncomfortable with the whole concept of considering myself a 'pick up artist', or honestly even about reading through different methodologies and concepts to do with approaching women.

Something about it - something - just didn't feel right.

At the same time, as I backed off from the game, I realised that other things hadn't changed. I was back in my old modes of going out, getting trashed, and yes having a good time with friends, but not actually talking to any of the hundreds of girls I'd see walking around and like the look of. I did enjoy these weeks, don't get me wrong. They were the final weeks living with my friends from University, the end of four years of living with some really amazing people. I wanted to enjoy them. And I did (or I think I did - much of it remains a blur!).

I've since moved out of my shit student house. And this weekend, I moved into my new apartment. Its at the other end of the scale to where I was before - in the city centre with a stunning view, brand new apartment. So, living in the city, it seemed daft not to go out on Saturday night. I contacted two 'PUA' friends, and we met up for a few pints.

My first sarge in months...

I'll admit, I struggled. All night, I opened just one set. Before then, I bottled a few more. One was in Peacocks. I was at the bar waiting to be served, and a two set wandered up next to me. Four months ago, this would have been straight forward - I'd have just talked to them. But now? I just froze. I turned to them, and took a deep breath in... But nothing came out. I just stood there. Then I got my drink. And then I turned away, and left them to it.

We headed outside where it was quiet. As we did, I was absolutely kicking myself. I knew it was so much easier than that. I knew all I had to do was open one set, and I'd be happy for the night. I knew this because I've done it before, and I've succeeded before. I ended up getting talking to some blokes nearby, asking them the football score. I figured if I couldn't talk to guys, I'd never talk to girls. At least I'd managed that much.

We left Peacock and headed to Heebie Jeebies. We went out into the court yard. Both of my wings opened sets each. I knew it was my turn. I turned to my right and spotted a two set, a gorgeous dark haired girl, and a decent looking blonde. I told myself 'Well, you're going to do this. So just get on with it'. My feet started moving towards them, and I was locked in. This felt familiar. I was committed now, walking towards them. To turn away would have been nothing short of unforgivable.

I walked up to the blonde, smiled, took a deep breath, and asked her: "Excuse me, I need you to help me settle an argument we're having. Custard, right. Do you have it hot or cold?"

For fuck sake - that fucking opener! It was alright, the point was to open a set. But fucking hell...

We chatted for 10 minutes, and my wings came in and helped. I did isolate with the blonde (the brunette, who said she was 29 but didn't look a day over 21, was married), and tried to go kino. But it wasn't great. And I just couldn't stop talking about fucking custard.

Finally, we ejected. And that was it for the night. One of my wings had to head off shortly after, and I stayed out with the other getting very very drunk, but not approaching anymore. We'd not seen each other for a while, and it was good to catch up.

The set itself went abysmally badly. But, the important thing was very simple: I'd gone out to town, and I'd approached. In that moment, I had infinitely more success than I've had in the last three months, when I've not been approaching. I'm glad I've finally taken responsibility for this part of my life again.

So, I'm left with a number of observations and reflections, all of which are going to inform my re-entry into the werid world of pick up. They are as follows:

1. Fuck the theory. Fuck the books. Fuck the strategies and the routines and everything else that fills the pages of the endless e-books written by egotistical morons who, not content with mastering the female species (those of them that have), have decided to try and master the male species as well.
2. In sum, fuck being a pick up artist.
3. Fuck not drinking when I'm 'sarging'. I like having a drink, I like relaxing. Ok, so I'm incoherent after a few hours. I'll approach like nuts for the first few hours, and then jump around like a lunatic for the last few hours.
4. Fuck 'sarging' as well for that matter. I'm just going out with friends, with the intention being to approach any girls I see that I like. That's not 'sarging', it doesn't need a special name, it doesn't need jargon attaching to it. That's simply 'going out'. I don't want to sometimes be in 'sarge' mode and sometimes be in 'non-sarge' mode. I just want to be able to speak to girls whenever the fancy takes me.

And finally, with regards to approaches. I want to experiement, and I want to try and go as natural as possible. I want to go and introduce myself, and just talk about whatever. Custard served its purpose on Saturday - it gave me something to say when I needed something to say. Fine. But I've got angry with it before, and I don't want to have to get angry with it again.

Custard is a dead end street. I should get that tattoo'd somewhere.

But more than anything - and more positively - I want to get out again. I want to go out regularly, and when I'm out, I want to talk to more girls. Enough of this 'good things come to those who wait' bollocks - good things don't come to those who wait! Good things come to those who get off their arses, who take responsibility for their lives, who say to themselves 'thats what I want for myself, so I'm going to fucking go and get it'.

You see, I'm really, really good at doing that. I've got a great and well paying job right now because I've taken action, and gone and got it. I've got a great flat because I've taken action and gone out and got it. I've always succeeded when I've taken control, taken responsibility, and taken it upon myself to achieve my aims.

I've had a few months away, during which time I've realised a few things about this whole thing.

Now I'm back. And I'm not in any mood to stand still for long!

Overt smells like kowalski spirit.

All you need now is a beard, mate.


Peace,

kowalski

Now, where were we...

Finally, after a few months away, tonight I found myself back out in town with my overarching goal being to speak to women. After a few months where I have variously been snowed under in work, or lacking the time or motivation to go out, or in Africa, tonight I re-entered the strange world of pick up. The results weren't spectacular, and I've had much better nights in the past. But I did what I wanted to do, and from here, the only way is up.

My goal tonight was straight forward and it was simple: I wanted to open a small handful of sets. I wasn't focussed on closing. That wasn't the priority tonight. Rather, I simply wanted to get back out, and begin to open sets again. I managed that at least. Once or twice I surprised myself, and did things I didn't expect to do. Once or twice (and probably more) I frustrated myself, and remembered the same issues, the same problems I had the last time I did this. But regardless, tonight, I achieved my initial goal: to open sets, and to stop sitting in my fucking bedroom, using internet dating as a substitute for going out and speaking to real people.

We met up in Hannah's Bar relatively early, around 9pm. There were three of us: Myself, Chris (who's pseudonym I've long since forgotten), and on his debut in the field, Perfecto. For their part, the other lads had a good night. Chris again showed his outstanding ability to open and then stay in sets. Perfecto, on his first night, made opening his first set look easy. You're just like the rest of us mate - you've already got all the tools you need. You just need to work out how to use them.

We had a chat in Hannah's Bar whilst drying out from the pissing rain outside (take me back to Africa!). Then it was out onto the street, and off towards the centre of town. As we walked down Hardman Street, I spied a two set coming the other way. I moved so I was walking towards them. And as we passed, I opened: 'Girls, where are we going tonight? Because everywhere is dead and we need somewhere to have a laugh'.

It was only a short set. The girls said they were going to Bar Samui - a place I wouldn't touch with a shitty stick. 10 seconds of banter later, I ejected and headed on with the lads into town. I probably could have stayed in set, but I wanted to get moving and get out of the pissing bloody rain. And in any case, as we walked on, I could feel my pulse rising: I'd opened a set, I'd spoken to some girls, and I'd got that flicker of adrenaline that I remember getting so often. It was great.

We moved around a few bars, trying to find somewhere with sets to open. I swear to God, there isn't a bar in the world with an equal number of guys to girls. They reckon on planet earth there are 54% girls to 46% women. So where the fuck are they all?! Every bar seems to be a complete cock fest at the moment, and it makes life fucking difficult.

Next, we tried Peacocks - a cross between a pub and a bar, which I am growing increasingly fond of. It was a little better in there. Chris opened a set, and did very well. Perfecto also opened his first set in here, approaching a two set like he'd been doing it for years.

For my part, at one point a two set of girls stood close by. I knew I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't approach them. So, I turned, and said the first thing that came into my head:

Girls, a quick female opinion - do you prefer custard hot or cold?

For fuck sake...

One said hot, one said cold, I joked with them about it, etc. But its all been done before, that whole custard thing (see pp. 1-13 of this thread). I did exactly the same thing in Heebie Jeebies half an hour later. As we were moving around the bar I spied a two set, and went in once more with the custard opener. They laughed and giggled, and I had a quick joke with them before ejecting again.

But on the whole, I was angry with myself. The custard opener has become such a ridiculous comfort zone for me, I actually need to ban myself from using it. When I approach girls, there are billions upon billions of things I could possibly say to them. Yet, either through lack of imagination or through preference for a comfort zone - which in and of itself is never a good thing to rely upon - I continually ask girls about their preferred temperature for serving custard.

For fuck sake...

I said earlier that I surprised myself tonight. And that came when I pushed for a number close. We were in La'Go, which was dead (no students at the moment, so a lot of places are quiet). Chris opened a three set, and I dutifully winged in followed by Perfecto. Chris was working on a really delightful girl called Lucy, who's breasts were so perfectly round I didn't know whether to stand and stare at them or try and play keepie uppie with them.

In the event I did neither - her blonde friend was also very pretty, and we got to talking. It turned out she had recently graduated on a chef's course, specialising in pastries. I took the chance to tell her about a remarkably delicious pork and apple pastie that I ate on my lunch hour today. She told me she could make them better than the Cornish Pasty Bakery, and so I challenged her to attempt to do so.

Conversation moved on. It transpired that the girl with the football tits already had a feller, so Chris indicated he was ready to leave it behind. But I wasn't quite done with my pastie girl. So, as we said we'd leave, I showed her my phone: 'Put your number in there. I want you to keep your promise about this pasty', I said.

Her response wasn't great. At first it was 'Uh, I don't know what my number is', and then she got out her phone and showed me the games she had on it, before putting her phone away and changing the subject completely. I rather sheepishly put my own phone back in my pocket, muttering something about 'maybe not'. We ejected and left them too it.

I'm not sure why she didn't want to give me her number. I imagine it was because she already has a bloke of some description, although she might have just thought I was a complete wanker. But it didn't matter to me, really. The fact was, I'd pushed for a number close with a really very pretty blonde girl. The fact that I didn't get it was a moot point. There will be other girls in the future, there will be other attempts at number closes. At least I was minded to go for a number. That, at the very least, was a small success.

We headed back up towards Hannah's bar, to see if it had livened up there yet. As we did, two girls called out to us from behind - a blonde irish girl, and a dark haired girl with a thick Yorkshire accent. They asked where we were going, and it turned out we were at least walking the same way, although headed to different bars. We walked with them for 30 seconds, and I got chatting to the blonde. And this is where it struck me: I'm such a twat with women. As we talked, I took the piss out of her, insulted her in a way I thought was funny but she probably thought was... Well, insulting! And generally, she quickly cooled towards me. It makes me wonder, why the hell do I take the piss out of girls so fucking quickly? I often find it in sets, that I'll say something I think is tongue in cheek and piss taking, but the girl just takes offence to it. At bottom, sometimes I don't half act like a twat around women.

The bit that worries me is that that just isn't me. I'm actually a genuinely nice person. I don't fall out with people easily, I broadly get on well with 95% of the people I meet. Yet my interactions with girls quickly become bouts of piss taking, where I do my best to appear funny and rakish by gently insulting them.

This has to change. Later on in the evening, having realised the error I was making and getting frankly angry at myself for making it, I decided to not fucking bother trying to game when talking to girls. I decided to just be myself, to try and just be A Nice Person. I decided to simply not give a fuck if I came across as boring or dull or whatever else, and to just hold normal conversations with girls where I found out about them.

When I did this, the results were much better. Chris had left by now, but Perfecto and I stayed out for a few extra, going for a dance in The Raz. We got talking to two girls. Hardly stunning girls, but it was so nice just having a chat to them whilst letting myself just be myself. I wasn't trying too hard to be funny or take the piss or anything. I just chatted away merrily, as I would with any of my friends.

I didn't close the girl. But we had a dance, and we had a laugh. It felt good to actually make friends with her, as opposed to forever being on my toes ready to take the piss at the first opportunity. This is something to remember in future.

Conclusions

It was great to be back out in town, approaching girls left, right and centre. Ok, so I didn't close. But my goals tonight were simply to open. I did that, and I remembered how easy it is to do that.

However, there are two action points I want to take forward next time I'm out in the field:

1. The custard opener is hereby banned. I have had my last custard based conversation.
2. From now on, I am going to try my hardest to rewire myself to be just A Nice Bloke, as opposed to a cock who takes the piss out of every girl I meet.

I'm not saying resolving those issues will make me great with women. They are merely the first two steps back on the road to being where I want to be in terms of the opposite sex.

But the big plus from tonight, for me, was just being back out there. It felt great to approach again. That buzz you get right before you do it, the shot of adrenaline, that feeling of amazement when they actually hook and talk back to you. In time, I'll close. If I am persistent enough.

But for now, for tonight, I did what I wanted to do: I got out there, and I spoke to some women. They are the foundations of learning how to meet women.

After a few months away, for all that has happened in between, its good to be back!

Man I have so much to write about your post but as I've just moved I haven't got broadband yet so writing this on a iPhone! So I'll keep it brief!

The point you made about 'where are the all the women gone' is a common PU mentally that needs to be broken early. I remember saying something similar to Ali months back. He rightly told me 'well... You only need one to talk to!' (wise words). Do you ever look at clubs and go 'nah... Not enough girls... And no not that one either. No enough clunge.'. If so stop; make the girls come to you! Go to a club you enjoy. Have a laugh. Guarenteed they'll be girls there that will gravitate to you just because you're having fun.

I think personally that you should make a promise to yourself not to eject. Just keep going. Most people think 'right my 10 secs with this girls has been pretty good. Let's get outta here before I start feeling awkward' - don't do it! Stay, and learn to get through it. There'll be mistakes, they'll be a lot of 'my friend needs the toliet' but funk it! Don't bail until your back is on fire!

Good work getting back in to this! Would be cool to catch up so time! Been a looooong time since that trip to Manchester!

Hey Mate...

You did well last night, you put yourself out there and that’s all that matter's right.
With regards to your custard opener, that’s a great fucking opener man, you just need to know where you’re going from there.
Last night overall i think went quite well, you just need to look at your game now and think" What do i have to do to take it to the next step " and remember mate the difference in this game between the winners and the loser's is the winners failed more, and learned from them experience’s..

Game on !!!

Take it easy mate

Chris...

Thanks for inviting me out last night guys. I was very nervous at the start and drank way too much to compensate but I opened my first set which I'm pretty pleased with today I've taken my first steps....

Not a problem mate,was a pleasure to meet you.
So when you out next?
P.s Dont forget to buy " The rules of the game " by Neil strauss.

To be honest, it didn't really stop us at any point. Despite guys seeming to out number girls 10-1, we did open the sets that we saw. Take Peacocks for example. There could only have been 3 or 4 non-mixed sets in there. But we pretty much opened them all where we could.


Been trying to do this for months. But you're dead right - as soon as I run out of things to say, I fuck off. I need to really fucking work on that. Improv, praps...

Just tell me the time and the place man, and I'll be there!!

Good to be back!

I'll make sure I pick up that book man didn't really know what I should be doing winging etc. I'm out tonight actually but not with the aim of pick up. Although I will open at least one set. I have been bitten by the pick up bug now

Tonight was a good night. My goals remain modest, but I know the areas where I need to improve and get better. I made a few small steps tonight, but they were steps in the right direction.

My sticking points were two fold: The first was a tendency to eject prematurely, at the first sign of danger. My second was a tendency to engage girls in conversation primarily about custard. This week I've been reading a bit of Gunwitch. Two of the central planks of Gunwitch's philosophy are to stay in set until you're dragged out kicking and screaming - 'Make the ho say no'. And another is to open conversation with pretty much anything. (There is much more to Gunwitch than this, of course, but go read his stuff to find it out).

And one other thing I wanted to do tonight. You see, I've got this terrible affliction: I really, really care what other people think about me. Everywhere in my life, I am terrifically cautious the second I think something I'm doing might cause offence, or might cause people to dislike me or argue with me. This has translated itself into my Game as well, leading to a hopelessly cautious, self destructively rigid style of game where I have tried to play safe and construct comfort zones just like the custard opener.

So tonight, I wanted to challenge myself to not give a shit what someone thought of me. And the way I was going to do this was to open a set with the following sentence:

Hello girls, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Boris, an alien from the planet cheese. I'm on earth looking for intelligent life. Have you seen any?

So, going into tonight, my goals were no custard, no caring what people thought, and no ejecting before my time.

I met with Chris (Darkstar) and James (sorry man - forgot your pseudonym!) in Hannah's at 9pm, and watched the end of the match. We headed off to Scream, packed with 17 year olds as it always is. Scream is a good place to go early, always busy and lively and usually some sets to work with.

Chris opened a few sets, and was doing well. For my part, AA was kicking in big time. Once or twice I'd spotted a set, but found all sorts of reasons to not open. And I began to get angry with myself. Another 10 minutes later, and Chris spied a seated three set at a table next to the window. He said they looked bored - they were all sat down texting, not really doing a great deal.

It took me a few seconds to get the bottle together to turn and approach. A few seconds where I came dangerously close to making more poor excuses for non-action. But then my feet turned, and I started to walk towards them. The hard part was over now. There was no way I wasn't going to say anything.

I sat down.

CO: Hey, are you girls bored?

Girls: Uhh....?

CO: Cos every time I look over you guys are texting. You're not texting each other are you?

The girls laughed, and I ribbed them a bit before chatting on. I used the same old fluffs I always use - who are you guys out with, where are you from, etc. Such boring conversation, I need to really fucking work on that shit!

So, after a minute or two, conversation began to wane. I turned slightly to get up and leave... But then turned back, and managed to say something else to keep the conversation flowing (fuck knows what I said). Then Chris and James came over and very helpfully winged, and the set took off. I isolated (well - got into a one on one conversation) with one of the girls. Good conversation as well, we joked about the ring she was wearing, we talked about dentistry (she was a dentist), she asked me what I do and I again said I was a professional dolphin shaver. We joked more, and I told her maybe she could be a professional dolphin dentist. It was pretty cool.

I didn't close with this girl. I didn't fancy her a great deal (she said she was a dentist, but she had a gap between her front teeth you could ride a donkey through. Go figure), although maybe I should have pushed for a number close just for the hell of it. Either way, we ejected after 15 minutes or so of conversation which, when I put my back into it, was actually quite good fun!

I was buzzing after this. Absolutely thrilled. We left scream, and as we turned the corner, I saw a two set coming the other way. AA melted, I walked over to them:

Hey girls, I just want to introduce myself. My names Boris. And I'm an alien...

They probably thought I was totally fucking weird. I think one of them said 'You're really weird'. But fuck it - why should I care what they think? Daft really.

The night cooled after that. I should have bounced on into more sets, but I had a few more bouts of AA in Heebie Jeebies. I winged more, but didn't open again. At one point there was a seated two set just crying out to be opened. Chris told me to open them. He even counted to three several times. But my feet remained rooted. I need to beat this AA, and just get on with it. What's the worst that can happen?

However, there are positives. I didn't ask a single girl about custard tonight. I used a good natural opener, and had good natural conversation. These are good things.

And, remember: I'm still only just getting back into my game. In the past, I've compared one's pick up skills to a muscle like any other, and the field to a gym. The more you get to the gym and lift heavier weights, the bigger and stronger that muscle will get. But don't go the gym for a few months, and it hurts a bit the first few times when you start going again.

I will get over this AA. All it needs is a little persistence. And the mood I'm in at the moment, I will persist, and I will fucking succeed!

Onwards, my winged friends, for tonight we flew to freedom!!

..........Like I say, I'm from the Planet Cheese