Scary films only for dates.

I love art galleries and museums too, Overt. I usually can't get anyone to go with me so it's my prefered destination for a first date. It's also a good screening method for me.

Reading you FR you don't need any advice. You know what the score is.


Peace,

kowalski

I wasn't holding it against her necessarily, but I do see your point. I think my sticking point is my reaction to a beautiful girl.

I ruminated on this earlier. It occurred to me that, through life, I've always been taught, one way or another, that beautiful girls aren't there for me. In school, my group of friends (we were one of the more nerdy groups) included the unattractive girls. All the pretty girls hung around with the more scally lads.

Even for the first three years of Uni, I was friends with nerdy people, and the girls in our group were similarly nerdy and / or unattractive. The fit student girls tended to hang around with the rugby lads and AU jocks.

I have forever been taught that, for one reason or another, I am not worthy of attractive girls. They are up with one class of person, and I am down with another. I have never chosen to believe this. Its just how I've been wired. Its just how my internal programming has been written. I'm not saying it can't be changed - because anything can be changed. But working out how is going to be difficult.

It all means that today, when a genuinely hot girl talks to me, I immediately feel unworthy of her attention. I assume she is on some higher plane than I - and this means I don't feel it is appropriate for me to attempt to seduce her.

Perhaps then it isn't that I value the girl too high. Perhaps its to do with valuing myself too low?

How do I address this? Speak to more stunning girls and get used to the idea that they might like me as well? That's probably the only way really. The more I date attractive girls, the more I open them and have good, solid interactions with them, the more my value will naturally drag itself up.

RE: The cinema and a date - as I said earlier, I'm never doing that again! Its fine once you're through the whole pick up thing. But during - its not a good place to be. I have to say I loved the gallery. It was an opportunity, as K says, to screen her a little and see how imaginitive and creative she was. But also to check she wasn't up her own arse and had a sense of humour.

Actually me and the HB6 had a bloody brilliant time. Its a shame the physical attraction is only weak, because we really had a nice day together.

Co, you need to change your wiring thats right.

But you also need to see the person in front of you. When you see her you are seeing all the previous girls who didnt give you the time of day for social/groupy bullshit reasons and you resent this.

Becareful of validating your ego, wanting to prove something to yourself, you'll only burn out and get confused.

People are different, value the things about you that make you different, and when you go on a date, enjoy it for the experience of being with the other person, laughing together, discussing random or important things and explore the good side of each other. Not to prove you can piss with the big boys.

Life isnt a game, and so PU shouldn't be.

I'm loving the new Dave.


Peace,

kowalski

100% true that mate. And I actually did really enjoy speaking to her the other night - the conversation was outstandingly good. Possibly because in my mind I had let go of 'the right thing to say'. I just said what I felt I wanted to say. And you know what? It was so, so easy!

I was just focussing on being myself. I told her what I am passionate about - researching and writing - and she seemed to appreciate that. And if she didn't appreciate that, then I like to think I'd have cut the date short and got home intime for the BBC3 double bill of Family Guy. But she didn't, she accepted it as a part of who I am. And that's great.

We talked endlessly for the time we were together, conversation never ground to a halt. In fact on both of my dates last weekend, I found myself having to literally work my way back through conversations to get back to the original point I had been making. It was good fun talking to her, and I am delighted that I was able to talk to such an attractive woman without really worrying what she thought of me. That is tremendous progress.

My frustration the other night was my inability to escelate towards a kiss close. My own actions were changed by how beautiful I thought she was, as compared with how I approached the situation with the HB6 the day before (by the way I'm still texting the HB6 as well - she's actually got a wicked sense of humour).

Looking back at my post above from yesterday, I actually think that isn't stuff that I can handle consciously. As time goes on, and as I go on more dates and meet more women I actually am attracted too, that will handle itself. All I can do is be persistent.

Opened a few sets on my lunch hour. Went well. I'm still using mainly canned openers, but there are a few points where I am making progress. The first was a direct opener - simply stopping a girl and telling her I thought she was gorgeous. The second point of progress was that I am beginning to natrually progress on from an opener now towards more general good conversation. I opened a 2 set sat on some benches with a standard opener. But then quickly progressed onto normal conversation.

Further, I sort of feel as if its coming much more natrually now. My tail is up with speaking to girls. Things are fitting into place, little piece by little piece.

Very positive.

Just got in from town. Was out with Hustler, plus two lads he'd met on another PUA forum.

Opened a couple of sets, but my head wasn't quite right tonight. I dunno, I just didn't bounce as well as I usually do. I guess that happens from time to time. One of the lads we were with has been doing this stuff for 5 years now, and was giving all sorts of advice which was very helpful.

Got one k and number close. A girl in a really cool bar called Chameleon. They were a seated 2 set, she an HB7. I opened - custard again - and got to talking. The conversation was really easy to run with, I'm pleased with how it went. As last week, once I began to pile on the kino, it was really easy and escalated very quickly. I can't stress this enough guys: kino kino kino kino KINO!

At one point this happened:

HB: I love that t-shirt, red looks good on you.

CO: This is orange.

HB: No way! That's a cool tshirt! Your girlfriend must have bought it for you.

CO: Yeah she did.

HB: Did your girlfriend dress you tonight?

CO: No I dressed myself.

HB: But did she choose your clothes?

CO: No I wouldn't let her.

Why was I telling her I had a girlfriend?? I have no explanation for this. When she asked the first question, I just spat it out as if I had a bird. Maybe this was subconscious push / pull. But I can think of no conscious reason that I told her I had a girlfriend.

After a minute, I said:

CO: Ok, so I've got a confession to make.

HB: Oh yeah?

CO: Yeah... I've been lying all along. I don't have a girlfriend.

Followed by a few minutes of playful banter about 'oh you're just saying that', and me then changing my mind saying 'Ok I do have one' and then 'Ok, fine, I don't' etc.

It didn't have any bearing on the outcome. I got her number and a kiss, and she has since voluntarily texted me and rang me trying to find out where I am. Cool. But I do wonder why I said what I did.

Anyway plenty of positives from tonight. One thing I do want to start doing is fucking approaching sets and targeting genuinely hot women. Too many times tonight, I opened sub-HB7s. Its great and stuff, but I am capable of attracting girls I am also attracted too. I'm out again tomorrow night - hopefully will be able to kick on and open a few more attractive girls.

But on the whole, progress is being made!

From reading your other threads it sounds like your making good progress, and are very capable of opening above-HB7s. Sometimes it just takes that extra bit of imagination and discomfort to do so.

A

Shit just realised I said I was out with Hustler at the start of my previous FR! I actually meant to say I was out with Flickster. Apologies for this - it was late, I was tired, etc.

Well I'm off out tonight, tomorrow night and Saturday night with the newly emerging Liverpool PUA community. I'm keen to get back in the field, having been resting up since last weekend.

I've noticed two things happening this week in my general behaviour which are new. The first is that I am suddenly going kino with everyone I meet. I mean, literally, everyone!!

On the train asking if a feller would move so I could get past, I put my hand on his back and said thanks.

In work, with a mate I see once a week or so there, we had a laugh and as I cracked a joke, again I put my hand on his arm.

Doing some campaigning work last night with two of our younger female members - joking with both of them and going kino.

With my housemates, high fives and arms around them and stuff.

This is remarkable, but I feel it really helps build rapport. Its an entirely new thing for me to do. I am doing it unconsciously. But that in itself shows that on some level something is changing.

The second thing that is different is eye contact with girls I walk past in the street. Ok so that's a massively chodey thing to say. But I've caught myself making eyes with them, and not looking away when they look back.

None of this is conscious. And that's the scary thing

So, three more nights out coming up. Bring it on...

A good night. Like, a really good night! I've had a mentally busy day. In work from 9am-4pm, straight out doing door knocking in the pissing rain and freezing cold from 4.30pm-6.30pm. Then straight to Anfield to sit in the freezing cold watching Liverpool pathetically whimper to a 1-0 win against a team that sounds like a bowel infection. And then straight out into town from there with the lads.

But I don't feel tired. I'm just buzzing. Calmly, gently buzzing.

We went to a pub called the Flute first. I didn't open female sets in there. But on one of the guys advice, I just made conversation with anyone around me. Even just shit stuff - asking some guys what the Juve score finished, asking others what bars were good to go to. That got me in a social mood, and it was great.

We went to a packed bar, and the four of us split up and wandered around on our own for a bit. As we did, I tried to move away from openers, and from the custard opener (sorry K! Its become a comfort zone, and I need to move away from that. But it served a grand purpose!)

I chatted with one or two girls briefly. Just opening asking how they were. One girl was with her friend, and had a massive 'Eighteen Today' badge on. So I went up to them ignoring the girl with the badge, and said to the other one 'Hey - is it your birthday today or something?' They laughed, it was fun. I still had a scarf on from the Liverpool game (not a Liverpool scarf - but a nice soft red and grey striped one). So many of the sets I opened said they liked it. I instantly took it off and said 'Ok, ok, you can wear it. But only for a minute.'


Then we went outside to the smoking area. I opened a two set. I isolated with one of them, not very attractive. But she was just really, really great fun to talk too. We talked for like half an hour and ended up exchanging our most embarrassing secrets. She was great. The conversation was so lively and energetic and fun. I number closed her, and would like to stay friends with her. I could feel her trying to ramp up kino, but I didn't want to kiss this girl. I didn't reciprocate. One of my wings kiss and number closed her mate. It was such good fun.

Back out of the bar into Bumper. Now like I say, I'd been trying to let go of openers. I don't like canned openers. In the last few weeks I've been using them as a prelude to a normal conversation. This won't do in the long run. I don't want to have to go through a procedure before I can talk to a girl. I want to just... Well, talk to them!

I spotted a two set sat on a sofa looking bored. So I walked up to them...

CO: Hey

HBs: Hiya.

CO: You guys ok?

HBs: Umm... Yeah, I guess.

CO: Its just you looked so bored, I wanted to come and cheer you up.

I plonked myself down next to them, and we chatted a little. Just so easy.

The whole night just felt so relaxed. We weren't four guys on a mission to meet women. We were four guys having a laugh, enjoying each other's company, and occasionally turning away to open any sets that we felt like opening. I absolutely loved how chilled out the whole thing was.

We didn't stay out late - I've got work tomorrow and need to be up at 7.30am (obvs that is less important than writing a field report before bed!). So we called it a night just before 1am.

As we left the bar, there were two girls outside. One of them had this weird multicoloured jumper on. I grinned as I walked past:

CO: Did you knit that yourself?

HB: No no, I bought it.

CO: You're lying to me! I can tell you knitted it yourself, its great.

HB: Giggles

CO: I'm gonna have to give you my email address so you can send me the pattern. I want one!

And I walked off - joking with one of the wings because we both went in to open the set at the same time. It was really great.

I was just so relaxed tonight. I was in the moment, I didn't retreat into my head at any point. And it was just natural. There was no game. After a while, there weren't even any of the openers which are still loyally filed away on my iPhone's cheat sheet. I just chatted to girls tonight. And that was really great.

I've got a hell of a long way to go. But things are just beginning to make sense for me. They're beginning to fall into place. Its such a fucking brilliant thing. It really is.

More soon, I'm sure...