I've been going to this supermarket for quiet a while now. I was playing game on one of the till assistant. In the past she gave me lots of IOI's like asking more about me, holding an eye contact for for long time and smiles. I had a brief conversation with her today in which i asked her out for coffee. It went like that,
She - How you doing?
me- iam good
she- What your do for living?(She asked me other question like this before and we normally have fleeting conversation cause normally there is a big queue)
me- Iam an aircraft engineer
she -Very impressive
me- (quiet randomly i asked her) If iam not being too forward can i ask you for coffee?(I'am trying direct approach)
She- (big smile on her face looks down) No i can't
me - i need someone to show me this town
she- oh there is nothing here
me- i noticed. Iam quiet new here and i don't like this place at all.
she why? its quiet a nice town(contradicting what she said a minute earlier)
me- really. You just said there is nothing in here.
she just give a big smile holding eye contact.
At this point i said her bye ands left.


Any suggestions on what i did wrong or right or any point wher i should improve? What i find personally is my voice tonality was pretty bad.

I'm no expert but I'll give my two cents anyways.. maybe your bad voice tonality made you seem incongruent, because you came across confident by asking her for coffee, but then your voice was possibly nervous?

I would have skipped out the "If I'm not being too forward" part and just asked, so you seem more decisive.

Maybe when she said "no i cant" you could have came back with something funny (cant think of anything though), maybe someone else could help with this bit.

Don't let it get you down though! Takes guts to ask that kinda thing

Be persistent - Why she can't? She says no maybe because she is uncomfortable or shy. You should ask why she can't! Mayhe she has a boyfriend. Or shy! Or she just wouldnt want to go out with you. If she has a boyfriend, then move on. Just be friendly next time you see her. If she is shy or she wouldnt want to, then it is your job to build comfort and attraction. Maybe not this time, maybe another day. She's not going anywhere as she works there...and you will definitely see her again!!

I dont believe tonality has anything to do with it.

Thanks mate. your first point about congruency does make sense. Also she is german and speak english as a foreign language so her reply " no i can't" could have sevral meanings.

...............................

Illustrates my point of why it might not have been anything to do with you at all but her

When I started I used to hit a lot of checkout girls, I got ripped to fuck on here for it. In hindsight probably desrved.

Having said that the experience taught me several important points:

Don't trust IOI's its there job to be nice.

Of course be persisitant, just be aware that she is trapped and has no where to run to, work out if you should back off of go for the finish line.

and finally leave checkout/till girls alone

Flirt with them make them feel good about themselves but hit on the the girl putting bananna's in her basket instead.

Someone has already said - (quiet randomly i asked her) If iam not being too forward can i ask you for coffee?(I'am trying direct approach)

This is wrong too AFC, try something like there is a great coffee place round here, you ever been? What time you finish? Look meet me outside I'll take there.

To end on a positive note maybe what she was trying to tell you is she was bored with marriage, women say the strangest things in the hope we'll get the clues.

The fact you are thinking about tonality will make your mind wander and any chance of connection will be weak. I had the same thing when I thought I should have a certain body language, and as a result I just couldn't be 'in the moment'! Stop overthinking what and why you went wrong. There was probably nothing wrong with your game at all. Maybe she did have a boyfriend. Keep at it. Not just with her, but other girls Try and test it.

Also, like Knave says this line sucks. It's so rehearsed it's painful, thus contradicts itself in being not random at all! Speak your mind, not what you were told to say. Also this is very apologetic. Instead tell her you want to take her out. No questions, no apologies, no shame.

Why? Would you say the same to a bar tender? Or a hot stripper? I dont get this one at all.


I wouldnt say this is wrong. There isn't a right or wrong way of asking a girl out . But your suggestion is a better way to a arrive to the same question. ANyway Amit, pat yourself on the back for your direct approach. Nova is right, try and test it...keep progressing!

A update on this checkout girl. I went to the supermarket today(second time since i asked her out). I took the the till behind her. When she saw me she said hi and handed me a piece of paper with her number and name written on it. Prior to this i saw her once in the shop, i did'nt totally ignored her but gave her an impression of being less enthusiastic about her.