Dear all,
This is not a post detailing an encounter with a post person or a regaling of a successful chat up of a pen friend but rather some of the problems since entering in a ltr.

yeh so, 4 months ago I entered into a relationship. shes gorgeous, sexy, too intelligent for me and hard work. Im in love. my time within this community tho has impacted upon this relationship, just gonna highlight some stuff and see if anyone else has similar experiences.

- shes really concerned about the number of sexual partners I've had. I've slept with alot of people. when we got together, i told her honestly and openly. at first she didnt get it - i dont look like the guy to sleep around. im nice and genuine but at the same time, i did sleep with her the first night we met.

- alot of my former sex people are still in contact with me. we're friendly, there was no relationship so we're still in contact sometimes. its not cool tho if they text when shes here and its some girl like 'hey how are you?' and i have to explain. think im gonna break it off with everyone.

- at times ive been too honest. pu gave me an honest approach to women. never lied to her to protect her feelings. if she asked me about something i gave her an honest answer and this has caused arguments. obv i never went out of my way to tell her something she wouldnt want to know.

- shes commented on the different way I speak to people. we were on facebook and she noticed a chat I had with a girl i had previously met last year. she noted how i spoke differently to her than to my friends. this has caused a bit of insecurity in her - she says sometimes she doesnt know me because im different around different people.

i do naturally change how i am with people to automatically project my 'best self' as it were suitable to that person. dont think shes used to that.

thats it.

i really don't miss going out and meeting new women. really happy in this relationship so far. obviously i dont have any long term expectations yet but for now I'm out of the game.

hope everyone is well.

Sincerely,
Fox

ye man, u should stay out of the game. few things

dont cut all ties from girls... i promise u at some point u may regret it! or if u do, dont let her know ur doing it.

when women become completely secure they treat u like a cunt... its that simple.

so be nice with her, treat her with complete respect... but never EVER give her 100% ive made this mistake with a girl who i was like WOW she is different.

relationship changes nothin, u still gotta keep her on her toes.

dont talk about ex partners, keep ur mouth shut, the less she knows the better.

i genuinly beleive once people feel they have nothin more to gain from u they will drop u...

so be aware. just stay how u are, its who she likes. give her a little bit of what she wants some of the time.

Hey Fox,

Good to hear from you again.

That is her problem. Reassure her that she is the only women you love.

Tricky one. If she knows you have had sex with these women then she will be understandably paranoid. I would like to say let her deal with it, but I know most women would never be comfortable with that. Maybe you should cut these women for now whilst you are committed.

You can never be too honest Fox. Obviously this doesn't mean have no social intelligence whatsoever "Does my bum look big in this" "yes darling, your look like a whale".

It sounds to me like this girl is a little insecure. Which is understandable considering you were so honest about your past. You need to reassure her that she is you women, you are her man and that there is not need to
be worried. Logically that makes sense, but you will need to reassure her emotionally when she gets in these moods.

Let me recommend a book for you which is IDEAL for your situation. It is called "Way Of The Superior Man" by David Deida. Your answers are in there.

Man that was great advice from the guys above.

The Deida book is a great idea, the language in it is a bit fluffy but I think Jaz is right it would help you. The flexibility of your personality is an important life skill, “he who is the most flexible can influence the system”, but it’s confusing her as to your real character.

She needs to feel that you’re solid, stable, that you have integrity, so she can relax and fall in love with you, and not panic that you’re going to break her heart any minute. It’s self preservation on her part.

By the same token, if you let her start pecking you into doing whatever she wants, it’ll never end and she’ll ultimately resent you for being weak. Just go out and see all the pathetic husbands following their wives orders everywhere you look, and the divorce rate that goes with it.

Strike that balance.

PS

Thanks for the advice.

yeh prob im facing is -

reassuring her that shes the one I want to be with, not any of the other girls that may message me. And at the same time not coming across as a safe bet and a pushover.

I'll let you guys know how it goes.

u dont need make sure she is re assured, just u re assured her!