I have terrible approach anxiety. I freeze.

So two nights this week, I went out to do something about it.

~~~First Night - Club Chemistry (club in town)~~~
My goal wasn't really to get any numbers, just simply to approach and have some fun!

It was actually quite a good night. I was in the confident-stage after the drunk-stage of alcohol, and a friend (I guess you could call him my wing, but not quite because he doesn't really know about PUA stuff) and I just went round the club randomly handing out hi-fives. It sounds silly but I read it somewhere before and it was an easy way to even go up to a girl. We also approached a few sets, a 2-set and a 3-set whom we fluffed with for a while until they walked off.

~~~Second Night - The Venue (uni campus club)~~~
Tonight, there were three of us. We planned a couple of nights ago that we would approach with silly/cheesy openers just for a laugh. Again my goal was to bust my approach anxiety, but instead of silly openers, I had some "proper" openers lined up.

I was a lot more nervous this time, only had two drinks. I really just want to be able to go into a club completely sober and approach anyone, but baby steps!!

Anywho, the first approach...

I went into a 4-set (3 girls, 1 guy) with the "is kissing cheating?" opener.

My plan was to ignore and neg the target (7). But I found that this backfired in the end.

Because the club was very noisy, I had to repeat the question a few times to the different people in the set so that they were all involved. I asked the (8) first. They actually seemed interested, which I was happy about. The 3rd girl (<5) didn't really say much, but the (7) and the (8) inputted to my question. I continued the opener telling them that my friend's gf kissed another girl blah blah. I then said that "if it were me, I wouldn't mind". And then I said, "if it were you two", pointing at the (7) and the (8), "I wouldn't mind either", with a cheeky grin. They laughed. Then I said "if we were going out", putting my arm around the target, "and you were _something_, I wouldn't mind either", again with a cheeky grin. They laughed but the target rolled out of my arm. I then pushed her away lightly, leaning back, being like "alright! alright!". "You can't take her anywhere", I said to the (8). She laughed.

I then I brought my friend who was standing behind me in, introducing him. The (8) then joked around asking if it was him, and later thought that I was asking for me. I put my hands up and disagreed.

At this point my friend was talking to the target. Don't think he knew that I was ignoring her, my fault, but I didn't mind. So I carried on talking to the other 3, asking how they knew each other. The (<5) stood their quietly, and the guy was getting a bit fidgetty, so I tried to direct the question to all of them. The (8) answered for them and said they are all flatmates. She asked how me and friend know each other and I told her.

I asked for her name, she had an awkward name which I heard as "need". I wrote that down on my phone and she corrected it to "neev", which after asking she told me is an Irish name. The guy was laughing next time, I asked him what he was laughing at and the (8) told me that people always struggle with her name. Then I fluffed a bit about Dublin.

I then asked her what she was drinking, then grabbed hold of the cup, and signelled if I could have some, she let go and I drank some.

I was then going to do a compliance test. I put my hands out and asked her to put her hands on mine. However I don't think she heard me right and she showed me her other hand which was holding a box of cigarettes. I then said "you smoke, ewwww!" and leant back.

I also, running out of things to say that I could remember, randomly asked the target if I looked gay, pointing at my clothes. She said no. I also pointed at my friend and asked the same thing; again she said no.

Then they left for a cigarette.

I didn't get the (8)'s number, but my friend got the (7)'s number haha!

After this we approached a couple other people with no luck.

I found that trying to neg the target was difficult in such a loud setting, so when I said "you can't take her anywhere", she didn't hear.

~~~~~

So they're my field reports for my first real nights out!
It almost makes me cringe writing this haha.
If you've read up to here, then I appreciate you taking the time to read it!

Pointers would be greatly appreciated!
What are some better things to do in a loud club?

That's great that you are getting out in the field and overcoming it. For me I found reading and applying "The Rules of The Game" (another Strauss book) really helped me overcome AA, it's like bitesize daygame prompts

Again great way to start but the moment you are comfortable with this you should start approaching and opening - if you stay on the edge of your comfort zone you'll get used to being there and experimenting with your game which will help you get better at seeing what works and doesn't work and why.

This works really well for overcoming AA, this and approaching with the goal of being rejected (such as MarkUK's rejection game). If they reject you, it's what you wanted and it helps you to see that rejection isn't that bad, to the point where it's often funny!

I think you did great and handled a lot of those situations well, especially at including the group (then you're not the creepy pickup guy). As for the quiet girl, often girls lack self-confidence (see this link) especially in social situations with guys of perceived higher value.

It seems like the situation may have gone slightly stale by the end (I may be reading your FR wrong). Next time you're out, keep 1 of your best openers or routines till the end then when it starts to get a little stale you can close (get her number or more) crack out your opener/ routine and then leave on a high note! When you come back to the set; they will associate you with the good feelings that you left with.

Ahhh. I guess that calls for another afternoon sitting on the floor of Waterstones reading, avoiding buying the book! :P


Yeah good ideas! I still freeze a lot before approaching, so I'm still working on that


That's a good post. Quite a good primer too! Maybe I'll have to read it again before going out!


Another good idea! Thanks for all the advice

NEEEEXT!

it can be downloaded for free with a bit of google searching, which is probabaly better because its a 30 day plan which you will need to keep refering back to.

The principal to breaking AA is break it down and build it up. For example week one talk to random strangers anyone, weather, time, shopping basket. week two do the same with random girls, week three instead of quick questions or observations try to keeping conversations going, week four now do the same with hot girls.

There is much more to it than this and this is only one method out of 100's but baby steps forward and work on confidence and your already on your way.

Yeah I found it

I was gonna take baby steps anyway, making it up as I went along.

So this book will help in giving me some more structure.

Cheers for the recommendation!

Any success stories from using it?