The joke thread

[RobboRobson]

I was in the supermarket the other day and there was a girl in front of me at the checkout, she had one apple, one pear, one toothbrush, one ready meal and one tin of soup.
I leaned over and said, "You're single, aren't you?"
"How can you tell?" she said, in a sarcastic tone.
I said, "Because you're an ugly cunt!"

[kowalski]

A Son asks his Dad the difference between theoretically & realistically. Dad says 'That's hard, but I have an idea. Ask Mum if she would sleep with Wayne Rooney for £1million'. Mum says 'Yes'. Dad says 'Now ask your sister if she would'. Sister says 'Yes'. Dad says 'Go ask your brother the same question. He says yes too.

'Well there you go son, that's your answer. Theoretically we're sitting on £3million quid, but realistically we're living with 2 slags and a fucking puff!'

Much love.


Peace,

kowalski

[cannon show]

Scott the duck walks into a bar with an almighty grin across his beak.

"Wow, what have you been doing to make you so happy?" the barman asks

"I've been in and out of puddles all day long, and I feel great!" Scott enthusiastically replies.

A short while later, another duck arrives at the bar. He looks really down; miserable as sin.

"You look awful mate, what happened?" the barman asks sympathetically

"I'm Puddles"

[TorchedFrog]

i asked a bloke the other day what the quickist way to get to the city was

he said "are you walking or driving"

i said driving

he said "yep thats the quickist"

[Blanca]

What has two black eyes and hates sex?

A panda