A lot of guys who are new to this are constantly looking for IOIs / positive responses and trying to do things to get more IOIs / positive responses. This is most prevalent in tactical MM style game.

When guys game like this they are grounding their own emotional state on the responses they get from girls. She responds well they feel pimp. She responds badly they feel chode.

Reaction junkies aka validation junkies.


Living like this any happiness you feel is fleeting and insufficient, you always want more. Chasing state can get like that after a bit too. State is better because it is founding your emotional state on itself and simply taking action to achieve the most suitable emotional state for the task at hand. The problem here is you don't really want to control your emotions just like you don't want them to control you. Which leads us to where?

Living, or at least striving for, the life you want. Think holistically. Healthy body, a home not a house, work you are passionate about, hobbies, friends and everything else, and, underlying all this, a core confidence and rationally grounded self-belief to facilitate free expression and right action. Which is what Jaz posted about above.

That's where it's really at and is the kind of thing a lot of us here, myself included, are working toward.


Peace,

kowalski

This is taken from the Charisma Arts wiki:

I've had some self confidence problems in the past. I had teenage acne which left my face a little scarred. I fixated on this and started to believe that it made me ugly. This also stopped me from living in the moment because I was dissatisfied with my appearance and was always striving towards improving the scarring. It took some work to really accept myself (I reframed it by looking at it as something that makes me seem a little rough around the edges and adds character lol), but I'm getting there and now I really don't know what I made such a fuss about. I think having lots of success in the field has also contributed. After this the way I feel going out has completely changed. It's like a weight has been lifted off me leaving me feeling free. Getting into 'state' now happens easily once I start approaching and the adrenaline kicks in. I believe this is down to being comfortable in my own body.

I think this self acceptance that Charisma Arts talk about is pretty similar to the core confidence that Tyler talks about in the Blueprint Decoded. Whether you are dressed well or not you still have it. You may want to work towards a better body, but you accept it as it is and still take right action. I hope this makes sense.

I'd say don't worry about being in state. Go out with people you get along with and enjoy the company of. You'll be friendly and chatty with them and this will just naturally carry over to when you open the hb stood next to you. Much better to be that way than try and force it as your interaction will only come across as false.

Retro