Hi guys

Im stuck with a really BIG problem. The girl ive been seeing & sleeping with for the past 4 months has recently told me that we have gotten too serious & that she wants to go back to being single & having fun again. She still wants us to see each other, but not in a relationship type way.

The thing is ive fallen head over heels in love with her & the idea of sharing her with other men is making me ill. I love the ground she walks on & she knows this, she loves me too but i love her more.

Im trying my best not to push her further away than she already is. She has already met up with other guys, & ive been meeting girls, but i just want her.

Every day it kills me to see her talking & flirting to other people on facebook. I know i should man up & take it on the chin, after all she could have said she never wants to see me again, but i love her so much.

She is carrying on with her life as normal whilst im slowly dying inside. Its so complicated, i know we are supposed to be together, how can i possibly make her my own.

Ps.I should point out that one of her "friends", that has never liked me, influenced my girls decision, so its even more unfair.

Shit this is a hard one , just reading your post i could imagine how you feel.

I firmly believe in the truth prevails in a situation like this wether it means you end up with her or not.

I would tell her that you have feelings for her and would like to start seeing her properly.
if she says she just wants friends etc then you need to walk away for your own sanity.

I dont think you can play games with love, if you feel you have to - then either you or her isnt right for each other.

Somtimes youve got to let people go to get them back
If you back right off after she knows how you feel she might just realise what shes lost-- she might also not be arsed and to be honest i dont think there is anything you could have done that would change her mind and give you what you really want.

Just dont agree with her and carry on shagging her thinking you can change her mind-- because with how you feel you are just going to put yourself through an emotional blender

ok from the off im gonna have to say one thing... investing your emotions in a girl is a bad idea a very very bad idea. its what makes men turn into mush and the women know this. It makes us needy and it turns us into the person 'she' doesnt want. i.e which is why

As hard as you may find reading this. She isnt the only girl in the world man and her shit stinks just like anyone elses! in the great words of a someone from somewhere (i cant remeber where), "kick her off that pedestal".... look i know this probably wasn't what you wanted to hear but i've been in exactly, well there abouts atleast situation. i too wanted the girl more then she wanted me. Mate thats a bad possition to be in with a girl and i would advise you to cut loose, get your shit together and reapproach with a different more strong you. and while im telling you cold hard truths, in order to do the abve, you needs to grow balls man this isnt easy and i know it... but trust me and i'll take this opportunity to quote the great Oracle (fromt he matrix 1999)

I'm sorry, kiddo, I really am. You have a good soul, and I hate giving good people bad news. Oh, don't worry about it. As soon as you step outside that door, you'll start feeling better. You'll remember you don't believe in any of this fate crap. You're in control of your own life, remember?

And trust me you will start feeling better, you just need to walk through that door. concentrate on you! your interests, your health and most of all your well being. find distractions. Gym, hobbies etc. dont make her "the one" before she worth it. its a give and take process bro and she isnt giving enough to earn the feelings that you have invested in her.

right i could go on and on but to summerise. you ahve given her too much value and that needs to stop NOW. its the classic reward good and punish bad theory man. i think you got carried away with rewarding cause you saw her happy STOP that shit. Once you have distanced yourself, do "you", do your thang boy live your life and enjoy it too. If a girl is making you feel like this she isnt worh it. Women are supposed to complement our happiness and not make us feel down and low! The end...


Peace
Y45

Yep i guessing your very young my advice as this is a hard suitation but i feel that she is PLAY-ING YOU bigtime!!!!.

Now you need to cut her out off your life this will infuriate her and act that you dont get a fuck about her sluttish behavoiur then she may come crawling back and you will reap the rewards.

You probaly worship the ground she walks on you have been supplicating to her way to much remember you are the price!!!

Move on and you will be ok in a couple of weeks good luck delete her from fb and mobile then play her hee.

I feel your frustration man. I think everyone in this forum has been through this atleast once in their lives. It is a total mind screw, we know.

But as Tyler sais, love is a self hypnosis.

You gotta do things you know that gets you into state, blast out your favorite music, hang out with your mates, have a lads night out in another city, and probably most powerful...surround yourself with other females, even if it's just going to a busy shopping mall. Anything that stops you going into that horrible stage of compulsive thinking and creating hurtful scenes in your head.

so don't! tell her its you and only you or nothing

your feelings for her; they'll pass, they really will. you might not want them to at the moment, but once you cut her off, sure it will hurt like hell to begin with, but in the long run it will be the far and away the best thing for YOU

Thanks for your advice people,

everything you guys have said is true, i know it , ive had a few weeks to reflect on all this & it seems im banging my head against a brick wall.

i could carry on seeing her like this, but im a jealous type & it would only cause trouble. i want her all to myself, & at the minute that aint gunna happen. we are still in contact regularly & still see each other (rarely)

im playing it cool now & trying not to show any pain or any of that crap cos it would only put her off me altogether, but we were so close & so alike that deep down she knows anyway.

i cant be a "hanger on" forever so a decision shall soon be made, & this will be to to see if there is any reaction from her at all, if not then i mite try cutting her off altogether, this would for sure be the toughest decision ive ever had to make, but at least i will know where i truly stand with her.

Dude, seriously...

She doesn't want what you want, that's not going to magically change any time soon and you're NOT going to be able to change her mind while you're in this state, needy, jealous, making yourself look bad, pushing her away.

The best option here is for your health, man the fuck up and move on.

You're not made for each other, you're not "supposed" to be together, cut ties with stupid thoughts like that, there is no master plan of relationships, put that out of your mind. All that matters here is that the two of you are no longer compatible in a healthy manner as you now both have different wants. It sucks but it happens.

Copy pasted from my blog:

Delete from facebook, hit the gym.(a reddit meme)

This meme is used as advice often but for very good reasons, many people don’t even understand what it’s true meaning is, there’s so much more to it than just the literal interpretation.

What this meme means is to get the person that’s causing you negative feelings out of your life entirely, before negative feelings can go away you first have to remove their source. The best of progress in reducing the pain and suffering of a break up can be destroyed by seeing a single facebook status, email, text message, etc. You have to cut all contact with this person, entirely. You don’t see them, you don’t talk to them. This is the “Delete from Facebook” part of the meme.

When the source has been removed, the best way to start to get rid of these feelings is to put yourself back out there again, as soon as you start talking to and bonding with other potential partners you start to realise that the person you once couldn’t live without is in fact not the only person in the world, there are equals, there are even betters out there. “Hit the gym” implies that you improve yourself but the actual point is of putting yourself out there, the gym part is just an addition of distracting yourself from the pain and improving yourself(in order to get back out there).

Go meet some new guys/girls and you’ll stop dwelling on the one you have lost. The path of dwelling only leads to the loss of every ounce of self esteem you have, and it can completely destroy you like it does thousands of other people, every single day.

I know the concept of seeing other people so quickly may sound like the opposite of the common advice; waiting until you’re ready to move on etc but is in fact the quickest way to escape old feelings.

Think of emotional bonds like a hard drive, when you tell your computer to delete something it doesn’t actually delete it, all it does is mark it as an area that is ok to write new information on top of. In order to remove the bond entirely, you have to start making new bonds, however small they might be. By making new bonds, you effectively overwrite your old ones.

Friends are the best thing in the world in these situations, make sure they’re aware of how you’re feeling(after you’ve done the above) and that you’ve told them you’re going to need their support (and to be distracted) as you move through this. This is equivalent to the distraction part of hitting the gym.

As an extra note in these situations: You have to want this pain to stop in order to move on, you have to commit fully to making this go away. Too many people out there get hung up on some ex and compare new potentials to them, you’re not doing yourself any favours with this. What you’re then doing is comparing new people you have no connection with to someone that you’ve had a deep and loving bond with, it’s madness and you kill any chance you have of finding someone better because you’re already judging them as worse before they’ve even had a chance to prove you wrong.

There will be times that you can’t sleep, there will be agony, you have to slap yourself when thoughts of that person creep in and do something else to stop thinking about it, if you find yourself making any of the above errors, such as judging a new person against an ex, you have to slap yourself and force yourself to stop. You have to want someone else to be better before you can get past your ex.

-RLAJay

EDIT:

I personally feel this is pretty unhealthy advice to be dishing out, this promotes not having deep connected relationships with people at all and there is nothing wrong with that. If someone wants to have serious long term relationships don't suggest to them that they should or that it's unhealthy, it's not, it just comes with an inevitable painful end, that doesn't mean that the joy and happiness that comes from the deep connection isn't worth it though.

That said, there's also nothing wrong with having non-serious relationships, being promiscuous or being polyamorous. The choice lies with what's right for the emotional health of the individual, some people thrive on monogamy, others thrive on promiscuity, don't tell someone that they shouldn't do either one, it's an individual thing. Provided everyone in a situation knows where they stand and is happy then there is nothing wrong with any of the above types of relationship.

so, i know what i gotta do, i should try & walk away......i just need to make myself wanna do it (not as easy as it sounds) i cant even bring myself to start thinking it yet, never mind actualy doing it.

the love i have for her is stronger than ive ever felt in my life, no-one has even came close. im 26 & cant believe im running around with a broken heart like a dick, it happened to me at 19 & i swore id never let it happen again, but i guess u cant control your feelings eh?

there is only so much more i can take of this shitty situation, i cant bear the thought of walking away from her, but who knows, maybe if i do she WILL realise she does want me, which would surely be great! but obviously i couldnt make that decision thinking it will happen, although it would be a bonus.

NOW THE THINKING CAP GOES ON!!!

Everytime ive been in a similair situation i have become more powerful and wiser when ive come out the otherside- takes time though.

Personally i would tell her that you have feelings for her and want to see where it goes-- shes gonna blow you off but you get to walk away knowing you tried-- it will give you closure.
then GO.

In future be open and honest with people about how you feel-- that way you wont suffer in silence and then get this deep without reciprocation.

remember this.

Thre are MILLIONS of girls out there who are perfect for you, you will always find others.
this is coming from somone who felt 2 years ago that he had just lost his Soulmate and best friend of 10 years.