For some reason, I really struggle to maintain eye contact with people in public places. I was at the cinema on wednesday, uber hot girls everywhere, and I find myself not being able to look at them. I glance, then look away. But its the same with lads, I can't look for more than a second. I think, when I do look at people, the first thought in my head is: shit what do they think of me. Maybe I just need to get out more, I haven't been out single for years.

Also, my friend often bumps into people he knows and starts chatting with them, and I feel like I can't join in with the conversation as I don't know them and he does?

Has anyone experienced this and have any advice?

Like anything it's all about experience.

For some reason, I started consciously started thinking about eye contact during conversations, which would put me into my yeas. I think it may have stemmed from confidence issues.
Confidence comes with competence.

Make it a game for a bit.

Like, if you make early eye-contact with someone walking towards you in the street and hold till they break first, which all happens at a fair distance usually, they will then move around you and you can continue in a straight line. That's pretty interesting to do for a bit, I read about it in Keith Jonstone's Impro where he is writing about status (same as value).


Peace,

kowalski

Joining in - Has your friend introduced you? How are you all positioned?

Introduce yourself, call your friend out if he hasn't introduced you. Move so you are positioned equally and not on the outskirts of the group.

Is it this stuff, i.e. breaking in, or is it being able to segue from a coversation about their shared experience to something that includes your view that is problematic?


Peace,

kowalski

Aint that like staring and weird? And I guess you only maintain this eye contact with girls otherwise, a guy might think you gay! I like it though!

You do it, everyone does it, all the time and every time you walk towards someone who is walking towards you. It is automatic. The only thing that is different here is that you are conscious of this norm of behaviour and are playing with it, the other is not.

You both automatically at some early point (it really is usually quite far) make eye contact and one looks away first. This person 'accepts' and adjusts to move around the other.

Jonstone says to do it preferably walking next to the wall side of the pavement so as for there to be only one option which way to move and only one person can adjust their trajectory to allow passage, making it a more controlled experiment.


It is interesting to do, something is learnt from it.


Peace,

kowalski

I will try and start to think about eye contact in future and see what happens...

I will also try this, making it a game, I will also try the thing about making them move around me...

My friend usually introduces me to female friends when he see's them, and I would also. But usually with lads, he doesn't introduce me. I will start to introduce myself. I always try to position myself within the group, nobody likes to be on the outskirts.

I do think a bigger problem is what you mention, trying to join in their private conversation and I do find this a struggle

My best pal never introduces me to girls he knows (fancies) when we come across them in bars and clubs because he is insecure about himself and thinks that they will like me and his chances will get blown.
im big on manners and think thats pretty rude.

anyway i learned form an early age the opposite to Kawolski -- when walking down the street and wanting people to move out of your way i find im much more successful by not hitting eye contact with them whatsoever, often coming across though you dont even know they are there will subconsciously get them to move because they want to avoid a collision and think if you havnt seen them one will happen.

Just so you are aware al_phaD.

This is one of THE most important aspects of picking up a girl. I mean, you can disregard a lot of shit over this. I cannot stress that enough, if you get good eye contact down, your game will sky rocket.

I regularly try and smile at girls as they walk past me. If they think I'm some grinning idiot, what the fuck do I care?