Hey guys, there seems to be alot of posts about managing relationships the last few days, well here's another one! i'll try and make this as brief as possible.

So wind the clock back 8 weeks, I'm on a student night, one of the hottest girls at uni flirts with me a little, I tease/neg etc. She's attracted and we hit it off, boom 4 hours later she's back at mine.

we've been dating 2 months now and finally slept together 2 weeks a go. Turns out shes a good girl who has only slept with 1 guy in her life and has been in a 3 and a half year relationship. Things are going really well, i like her, she likes me and its getting serious... all sounds good so far right? here's the catch, shes not naive and knows from the shear amount of guys that hit on her that shes very attractive, and im not talking ur average hot girl here... im talking hb 9.5. to put things into prospective she regularly gets facebook messages from random multi-millionaires trying to literally buy her (and before u doubt that, i've seen these messages on her fb).

Anyway I figured she was gonna be aware of her beauty from the moment go, so played a very 'hard to get' game on her lots of teasing, showing lack of interest etc. Im definitely myself around her well, atleest 95%, but I dub down on my attraction towards her even 2 months on to keep her interested, but im really starting to fall for this girl and im worried if i express my true emotions she will loose interest.

She has hinted at wanting to be in a relationship with me, and im planning to ask her over christmas... but im scared how she will react! It may seem stupid to u guys but even shes admitted on several occasions, she likes me because i dont always 'give her what she wants' where all other guys chase after her and will do anything to be with her. ADVICE ON WHAT TO DO PLEASE!

Sell to the highest bidder?



Joking aside, here's what you need to do: CHILL THE FUCK OUT AND STOP FUCKING PANICKING.

So you've been seeing her for two months, and over Christmas you're going to ask her if she wants to start a relationship? You mean, you don't have a relationship with this girl already? Of course you do.

Ask yourself, what does being 'in a relationship' mean? What will you do differently once you get beyond that point where you say you're 'in a relationship'? What extra obligations will that place on you? Do you even know? If you do, do you really want them?

There isn't a little badge you get to wear which says 'I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP. GET IN.' There isn't a list of People Who Are In Relationships that your names get added too. It doesn't get listed in The Times register.

What I'm trying to get across is that this whole thing about being In A Relationship is probably quite a bit more artificial than you would believe. I'm not saying people don't enter into relationships - of course they do. What I'm saying is that relationships develop, they're organic. Its not flicking a switch. Its not going to be like asking her, she says yes, and then five minutes ago you weren't in a relationship, and now you are.

Here's a thing: You are already in a relationship with this girl.

What I think you really mean by wanting to ask her to be in a relationship with you is that you want her to tell you that you two are now dating on exclusive terms. Fine, not a problem, completely understandable. But please, please, please don't use the word 'relationship'. You wonder if it'll scare her off. It probably will.

A much easier way of doing it would be to simply have a conversation where you say how you think you're at a point where you wouldn't go off with anyone else, and where you hope she wouldn't anyway. That'll do the job with much less mess.

Thing is, reading your post, you know what comes across? Neediness. You've got this 9.5 (please stop using numbers. Just say she's really hot. Its all subjective) and you can't believe your luck, and you want to stamp your name all over her before anyone else does so she doesn't go off with someone else. Is that about right?

If so, fucking chill the fuck out! You've got something good with this girl. Just let it grow, don't force it. Why are you in such a rush to define what you've got? Definitions are bollocks anyway, all you're doing is attaching words to the situation that don't really mean anything.

So, yeah, broadly my advice would be chill out, take it easy, enjoy your time with this girl, stop thinking about other guys, accept that she's with you and likes you, and take it easy.

If you really must, then fine, have the whole 'I wouldn't go with someone else' conversation. I don't think it'll really make a lot of difference, but you seem to need reassurance more than anything.

Thanks for the post, definitely the most useful I have read for me personally. I accept your criticisms because I feel they are accurate and while I could only of painted you a small picture of what is going on between us you have identified some flaws in myself.

It's funny because I'm never normally 'needy' infact, quite the opposite, a girl normally struggles to pin me down. But I guess your right, I can't quite believe my luck. I've come a long way in the last year and sometimes the reality struggles to sink in. But as you said, I basically just need to chill the fuck out and realize what I already have going with this girl is good! she's chosen me and that's that. Rest assured I have taken on board what you said, thanks for your useful post!

you need to understand what a relationship is... it's not "I need you now, I'm dependent on you, please dont leave", it's "I'm now confident that I want you in my life consistently, and I'm willing to make arrangements." If she's not interested or ready, fine. If she is, great.

She wouldn't be seeing you for 2 months consistently AND show you these fb messages if she wasn't seriously into you... by showing you those messages she was testing to see if you're needy or clingy (which if you didn't bite immediately to 'keep her yours' you passed BTW).

Chill, you got this. You should be slightly nervous if you're wanting to make that transition to seeing her exclusively, but understand that its normal, and that you seem to be all in the clear

Too test if he is clingy or needy??? lol what planet do you live on?, she did not do this. She just wanted to show how fucking valuable she is! Nothing to do with testing, that’s what I hate about some PUA material. It teaches that woman are constantly testing men and then the poor men are worrying about how they going to pass these test. I don't know about any of you, but I test woman to see if they are any good for me, not the other way round.

P.S. you must love and respect yourself before you can another. This isn't fairyland bullshit, im a realist and its what i have come to discover through the ups and downs of what be life.

AJay

nah, if she wanted to show him that she was being pursued to see his reaction, she'd show him that. If he acted clingy afterwards she'd likely have walked away from him. I guess 'test' was the wrong word, but I meant what you wrote.

Not necessarily, girls and guys do this a lot after they have been with someone for a short time. As though they are trying to prove or show their true worth. Same like we do when we DHV, that’s all their doing is DHV'ing. And look it worked, because now this guy thinks this girl is super! And he’s falling for her. Now he just need be calm and cool and let nature take its course :P

AJay

Is it?

I just thought it was the word used to demarcate the links, connections and associations between one person and another, across a range of possible situations, sexual or not.

The OP's problem was that he'd developed this idea that 'a relationship' meant something more than in fact it does, and that he was at pains to define something which doesn't really need defining.

And you've made the same mistake.

Right, I used to live with a lad named Jack. Jack was a top bloke, I did and still do think the world of him. Jack went out with a girl called Ruth. Ruth was lovely too. Throughout their time going out, which was about 18 months, they never once referred to each other as boyfriend or girlfriend. If you asked Jack whether it was serious, he didn't want to know. He wasn't sure whether it was 'a relationship', or whether it was casual, or love, or whatever else.

But nor did he particularly care. He was enjoying his time with Ruth very much, and he didn't see the need to define things between them because he was, very simply, happy.

Verbalising and formalising something which you both know is already apparent is stupid. I agree it will just put undue pressure on the situation.

This isn't the stone-age where some bigger man is going to come over, whack you over the head then sling your girl over his shoulder and leg it. You can afford to relax with the paranoia mindset. Regardless of how hot she is, the moment you act like you're not worthy, she will slowly but surely be inclined and convinced to agree based on your behaviour.

If she looked like Ann Widdecombe, would you be fabricating scenarios in your head that some suave Sheikh is going to swoop down and take your lady? No? Treat her like she resembles Ann Widdecombe if you have to (in a fun way). It beats being insecure.

Insecurity, jealousy and anxiety can plague us all when the hormones and emotions of a new relationship hit, just be conscious that you rule them, not the other way around.

It's surprising how influential Facebook has become on this generation. Sitting you down to show you creepy lustful messages from so-called 'millionaires', seems a bit childish. It also seems like a power play to get you to value her more and incite jealousy, which seemingly has worked, gauging your slightly riled OP. If she wants to let her ego get inflated by horny chumps, then so be it, just so long as you do not become one of the kiss-ass worshippers. They will be grouped together, it will be the same 10 guys 'Like'ing' every status and telling her how 'hot' she is, when she's taking yet enough photo infront of the mirror with duck lips, hand on hip, fake tan and Iphone. Fuck, I've gone off on one again - Sorry, I'm sure that your girl is just lovely

Certain young girls (under 20), in my experience are always keen to update their FB relationship status though, but I would ALWAYS let them be the ones to breach the subject or change it. To unceremoniously quote Peep Show - "Saying 'I Love You' is like firing first in a duel; if you miss, you're fucked!".

On a more immature, but much lesser scale, to young girls it's almost like getting virtual-married. They feel great when they have you attached to their main page as the first port of call. It's more for her than for you, girls always want to show off what they have to their other friends, sometimes even more so than impressing you.

As you find yourself feeling incredibly strongly, so early on - I would try keeping her on the tightrope, in the dark, not quite knowing how much you genuinely feel for her. It can have her constantly striving to gain your affection and approval. This is also the period where I have found you get the most, and the best sex.

Lol I will firstly reply by saying - you sir are very funny. Anyway I digress... a major point I missed from my initial post was I do keep her on a tightrope/in the dark, infact I pride myself as being very good at this with girls. This has also been one of the roots to why this girl likes me, she has even said it herself.

The problem is not that I don't know how to attract her, it's I am no longer at a stage where I feel as relaxed, at first she was just an amazingly hot girl who I wanted to fuck, but now over the last few weeks i've been starting to genuinely really like her, she's got such an amazing personality, she doesnt strop, get moody, bitchy, emotional or do half the annoying things most girls do. The thing is it's getting harder to 'keep her in the dark' because we've been seeing eachother every week for 8 weeks now, and she's not stupid... I mean think about it... you wouldn't spend 8 weeks with someone you 'werent sure about'.

This is why i'm thinking of just telling her how I feel, and by the way we've already had the exclusive chat, she knows I like her, but I wont tell her (she hates this)