I used to go out with this American girl. I was 19 at the time and I guess I was with her for around four months. The reason we split up, was because I apparently didn't want take it to "the next level". She wanted commitment, I didn't want to give it to her so we parted ways, fair enough. However, 2 days after we parted, she started going out with this guy I know. I wasent bothered, but I thought how strange it was that she wanted a boyfriend so badly. It seemed she NEEDED commitment from a man, ANY man.

Granted she was a bit of a nutter. However, throughout my life I have felt that woman seem to want commitment allot more than men do. I was talking to one of my lady friends the other day and she was telling me about a few of her girlfriends who are exactly the same. One in particular gives her number out to a dozen men a night to hook herself a boyfriend. She has been single for two months and from the age of fifteen it is the longest she has been out of a relationship.

I look at the majority of my male friends and the word commitment, strikes the fear of god into them (myself included). But why? Now I'm not want to make sweeping assumptions, woman are x and men are y. Life isnt that simple. But I do think social conditioning is very powerful, and overall men and woman look at relationships differently. Plus, I felt like writing something of substance so shut up.

So lets look at some of the reasons men are afraid of commitment:

Stuck with one sexual partner

Variety is the spice of life, thats what I believe anyway. Imagine being stuck with the same girl from now till the day you die.... I dont care if your banging Kelly Brook. Bottom line is the bedroom activity will eventually become monotonous and dare I say boring? I think most homosapiens crave sexual variety. Its natural. Without going off on a tangent, my personal beliefs are that we were never supposed to stick to just one sexual partner anyway. Spread your oats and what not. Those instincts we have, always looking for something else, something curvier. I think this is the biggest factor in what forbids us from committing.

You have been hurt in the past

Some chick has broke your heart. I know it happened to me anyway. Its extremely difficult to commit to someone again after being burned in the past. Lets face it, when you get ditched, its fucking painful. Getting over a broken heart takes a long time. To put your trust on someone and risk feeling that pain again really is the definition of commitment. Be very careful who you trust.

Financial/Emotional baggage

My sister says she is going to marry a rich man. Fair play Sis, more fool him. I'm not saying that all woman have an agenda here. But looking at marriage the biggest commitment a couple can make, once the ring is on. Its very difficult to get off. A legal bond is made when you get married, what is yours is hers. If you get a house together, its not a case of buying Xbox games anymore. Its a case of paying mortgages and bills. You know boring shit.

Loss of space/free time

Being in a relationship takes up a hell of allot of your time. In fact when your not working, it takes it all up. Going for meals, meeting up with other couples, shopping, socializing with there family. Being single means, you can pretty much do whatever the fuck you like when you want to do it. I know my friends in a relationship have to clear everything they do with "the wife". Gone are the days where you can just choose to sit around in you pants smoking weed and watching Quantum Leap. You actually have to make an effort to maintain a commitment to your girl.


In conclusion. I want to be clear that being committed to the right woman can be awesome. Sharing your life with someone cool only makes you a better person and can pretty much make you endlessly happy. One point I want to make clear is, never, ever rush into anything.

You know what makes me sick? When a nice guy ends up going out with an utter bitch simply because he thinks he cant do any better. I know loads of guys this has happened to. If your currently looking for someone to commit to dont just shack up with the first girl who gives you her number. Set yourself a standard, an extremely high standard. If that girl, proves herself to be worthy, take it slow, but then the commitment you make will be worth it. Its worth investing into something if the long term rewards are good. But gambling with some chick you just met simply because she has big tits, could be the end of you.

Chow.

I know few guys who are in shit relationships and it's not good. They seem a bit dead in the eyes compared to how I remember them.

I also know a few commitment-o-phobes. Most of whom are emotionally retarded, not through past experiences, through insane social conditioning (the kind of guys who use 8 bits of shit roll per wipe because if the paper tears when they are wiping their arse, think that it makes them a bit gay).

Both are upsetting in different ways.

Jaz is right in most of what he says. However, there is another way...

I spent 5 glorious years sitting around in my pants, smoking weed and watching quantum leap with the most awesome, sexy and beautiful girl. She also loved sitting around in her pants, smoking weed and watching quantum leap. Whatever you love filling your life with, whatever your fears and desires, there's girls out there who feel, want, do the same things. Hence the value of PU / SA. So you are checking a lot of girls to find one of those, and you are ready and prepared to make the necessary moves when one shows up.


Peace,

kowalski

You hit the nail on the head with three out of four with me, Jaz man..!

I really cant see myself banging the same woman. I know I get bored. In fact I get bored after 1 session and wanting to find a new one. Weird cos I was with the same woman (my ex-wife) for 10 years and never desire to bang another woman. Monogamy R' Us.

I have been in love twice in my whole life, one lasted 10 years and the other 2 months. The latter resulted in me seeking for answers and I found the PUA community. And I cant see myself being committed to any girl knowing what I know now. But as they say, never say never so who knows.

I love my freedom and the fact that I dont have to tell to anyone my whereabouts and who I am with - beat that!!

Thanks for the write-up mate...! Enjoy reading it...! I will now shut-up

Nce write up mate.

I always said that theirs only three women that can bring a man to his knees 1 wife/girlfriend 2 sister n 3 M U M >.<

I also agree with you on the matter of not rushing things.... I remember when I kissed for the first I had soooo much expectation n when finally it happened in a party I was like... 'you gotta be shitting me all this emotional build up for this insignificant kiss?'(i'm not saying that kissing isn't fun but you notice the difference between a needy kiss and a kiss of your gf/wife, u guys know what I mean?)
So what i'm trying to say is that I was rushing it sooo much that when I got to do it wasn't nearly a quarter of what I expected it to feel :/

Neway thought I'd jsut share a bit of my past experience

I was married for 7 1/2 years up till Nov last year. Had a bit of action from the off (think the almighty must have been routing for me) and then fell for someone else, that lasted a month. Like Legend, Knowing what I know now I dont know if I'll ever settle again for all of the above reasons.

My personal fear of commitment is based upon one point. I don't want to bang one bird for the rest of my life. You only get one life, what a waste it would be to restrict yourself so much.

Imagine wanking off to the same porno vid for the next 40 years!

I don't think people should want to avoid commitment in general but definately commiting to easily. I mean I think I'm a really loyal and commited person so its particually bad if i fall for the wrong girl(as has happened) but ultimately I still want another commitment really

I didn't want to stop going out and meeting women, I really wasn't looking for any commitment but now I'm with someone and she's awesome. But I know if it all messes up i'll be fine because I know I can go out and find plenty more women but for the moment i'm happy.

If it's with the right girl then I'm all for it! She'd have to be something pretty special though, the type of girl that you would never get bored of. A particular type of humor and an extremely good outlook would be essential for me. I often find myself attracted to a girl that can make me laugh, regardless of whether I find her good looking or not. The type of lass that is not stuck in any kind of particular ideas about the world and everyone in it, but rather is looking to learn and explore it all with a positive frame of mind. Passion and agressiveness are what I want. The type of girl that doesn't take any shit, and goes and gets what she wants, without having to really burn anyone to get it. And ofcourse most importantly the type of person that you could trust, because love without that, can send a person insane! I've seen it happen.
Oh yeah and she'd have to be horney as fuck!!! Just like me.

Great post Jaz,

Personally I don't fear commitment, if I met the right girl (she'd have to be to my highest of standards) I'd happily oblige to commit to her. Not necessarily to settle-down, marry etc but to commit to monogomously for a lengthy period of time.

One thing I will not allow for her to do is to try and change my behaviour or myself as a person, she must except me for who I am. I have seen all too many a great fun-lovin guy slowly become eaten away into a life-less hollow shell, handing over his balls and becoming half the man he used to be.

I find that hard to watch when it happens to a good friend.