The Cleave

This week at improv we learnt a little about parodying various film and theatre styles. It was pretty interesting stuff specifically THE CLEAVE.

The cleave is used heavily in Shakespearean plays. When the strong male character is demonstrating manly dominance to his woman. This is the sickest retro move ever. A woman professionally cleaved is helpless to defend herself from your sexy man powers. Her knees will give way as she trembles in your arms.


How does one cleave?
First half: The set-up
Whilst standing and conversing with your intended cleavee slide your arm around her body till your hand is firmly placed on her middle lower back.

Second half: The strike
Sharply pull your arm, and your chosen girl, in. Untill her body is pressed against yours, particularly at the waist, and look at her as a medieval king looks at one of his subjects who has dared to defy him.

When should we cleave?
Winston knew as well as anyone that a cleave can, and should, be used anytime, anywhere. Whenever a woman needs to know her place, as the sexy temptress to your heroic champion, the cleave is your way of reminding her.

This is the funnest shit I've encountered in beards.

Not sure cleaving is for you?
Don't worry. Even Honest Abe thought cleaving was a questionable practice when he first heard of it.
However, once he tried it for himself he was a total convert to the ways of the mighty cleave.


The cleave has been missing from man's arsenal for far too long. Let us resurrect the ways of our fathers.

Leave this place and cleave the next fiery wench you wish to seduce.


Get out there and remind these insolent modern women of their natural place in the world and return victorious to this gentlemen's club to regale us all with your spiffing adventures in cleaving.


Peace,

kowalski

I like it! lol I am out Sarging tonight...I shall cleave the first wench-like creature I spy and dedicate the cleave to the site - love you guys :-)

Ha yes I'm quite partial to a spot of cleaving. I do it all the time to this girl at work and she loves it.

haha, I liked this (though the last sentence obviously offended me )