When was the last time you saw a HB but didn't have the courage to talk to her? Or made an excuse why you shouldn't? If you are like me probably last weekend, (BOO!)

AA affects all level of PUA from noobs to seasoned campaigner (unless your name is Darood or Jaz or Kowalski, that is). I have started reading more about AA recently and the article below from an email, is one of the best I have read. It has been edited to suit my own needs and to remove all the marketing links.

APPROACH ANXIETY IS NORMAL
It's the feeling our bodies give us when we take risks. It comes from the same part of the brain (the "amygdala") that activates when you go on the “Nemesis or Oblivion” in Alton Towers. In other words, it's a sign that we are doing something right, moving beyond our comfort zone, which can only be a good thing.

AA sure doesn't feel good when a HB9 is walking by. You get nervous, cold feet and you find million reasons not to talk to her. But, does it have to be like this? Remember when we were young, we probably LOOKED for risks: e.g. a higher tree to climb, a higher diving board to jump off of, etc…!

Let’s hit some of the logical "anchors." These are what we tell ourselves when we're having trouble approaching. Start INTERNALIZES these anchors so that we can act on them.

LOGICAL ANCHORS

1. It is part of our DNA – don’t fight it, embrace it.
Learning to 'overcome' AA is like 'overcoming' the need to eat or sleep. As men, we are meant to challenge ourselves. Living life within our comfort zone is unnatural and unhealthy - a lack of challenge or excitement in our lives can literally lead to being clinically depressed. How boring would life be if we always knew what was going to happen? To overcome approach anxiety, we need to EMBRACE it. Thrive on it.

2. Nobody can reject us based on a cold approach.
No woman can reject us from our approach. Think about it - she doesn't know you or me and has no idea what an AWESOME guy we are when we approach... so what if she blows out, she is not rejecting us. Welcome getting blown out as great FEEDBACK and learn from it... with practice, we will succeed.

3. Have no regrets...
Let's say we only see one attractive woman every day and we don't approach her. Over 10 years, that's 3,650 missed opportunities. How many hundreds of those have great personalities to match their looks? How many of those would click with you and me? Unfortunately, we will never know (dh!!)... because we missed them all...!!

4. We need to filter for women who meet our standards.
And even if we don't have high standards (why not, co I do?), we still need to act like we do. That's how the Qualification process works, and Qualification is CRUCIAL for picking up women.

If, say, 80% of hot women don't meet our personality standards, then we have to approach a lot of women to find the ones who are worth our valuable time and energy. Just like we'd look at a lot of jobs, houses, before choosing one, we should do the same with women... and that means approaching and getting to know them.

5. Women love to be approached but 95% of men have no approach game.
As we begin approaching loads of women, we will quickly realize that women love to be approached - it flatters and validates their sense of femininity. Women get approached all the time, but usually by CHODES who don't know what they are doing. This is why many women have a "shield or bitch-test" to deter most men from approaching.

6. What does this say about YOU & ME?
Women look at whether we can successfully approach them as a sign of what kind of man we are. Do we have Social Intelligence? Are we Confident? Are we Pre-Selected? Men who have all of those things will not hesitate to approach. So, if we don't approach, what do we think this says about us to her? I know this HB9 who has been going out with this less than average looking bloke for years and when I ask her what she sees in him, her answer: “he was the only bloke that was man enough to approach me in a club”. That’s says it all..!

ACTION

Now that we know why we should approach, the next step is to make ourselves do it.

1. The 3-second rule
This is an old classic. Approach a woman within 3 seconds of seeing her.
If we wait, approaching actually gets harder. Our brain comes up with reasons not to approach. We get more nervous. And, she'll notice our hesitation, which makes getting her interest ten times harder. But, if we approach right away, she'll see us as a confident man of action.

Use canned openers if you like or be natural like Kowalski. Do whatever, but start approaching..!

2. Get a wingman.
A good wingman will push us to do approaches, especially difficult ones. We can give each other feedback and we can reward each other for approaching. Post in the “Find a Wingman” section of the forum and find one. The guys in Manchester & Bristol go out regularly because of this forum.

3. Be consistent - find our window!
The more we practice and the more familiar the environment, the less anxiety we will feel. Whether it's a specific club where we feel comfortable, or a specific situation, it doesn't matter.

4. Get in state.
This one is really easy. Human beings are extremely state-driven. Listen to high-energy music, visualisation, meditation. Whatever works for us. See ourselves as the life of the party, smiling faces, laughter, women being all over us (woop, woop), etc.

5. Short-setting.
This is a low-risk warm-up technique. We move around the club/bar talking to everyone for 30-60 seconds. We have no agenda beyond meeting everyone and saying hello. This not only gets us in a social mood, but also delivers a ton of social proof later in the night when we know everyone. Often women will re-approach us once we've met them.

6. Keep a success journal.
We often forget how many great approaches we have done - especially if we have more blow outs than successful approaches, which is perfectly normal as we start out. We will surprise ourselves if we think hard enough, when we realise how many great approaches we have actually done.

So what are we waiting for….Approach, Approach, Approach..!

In honesty I see Roody as the only truly 100% approacher I've met.

I'm usually OK but I still frustrate myself with inaction from time to time, and Jaz posted recently that he does too. It's how you respond to those moments of inaction that is important.

I'd be interested to know what Rood feels. For me it gets pretty intense and mostly I like that, sometimes though it is too intense or I don't get enough time (the opposite of the 3 second rule is good for me, given time to take control of myself and act on decision rather than impulse is better for me). I tend to think the more intense the feeling is an indicator of which girls I really want, so they are the ones I should go meet. In this way I view it as helpfull.

Good article.


Peace,

kowalski

Good article. 100% correct.

You know the best book I ever read on the subject?

Its called Fear: The friend of exceptional people.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Fear-Excepti.../ref=pd_cp_b_2

Its by this bloke called Geoff Thompson, considered by many to be the most fierce and fearless Bouncer ever. He is also regarded as one of the best martial artists in the world. In brief, as a young lad he was bullied and sexually abused - fear totally controlled his life. Then one day he thought fuck this and decided to face his demons face on. He got himself a job as a bouncer , and worked on the toughest bars around the midlands, bear in mind at this point he was just a skinny gimp (talk about jumping in the deep end).

From his years of dealing with gangsters and hooligans he learnt to understand what fear actually is - your body helping you to be your best. He states that the feeling of adrenalin rushing around your body can be overwhelming thus making you panic. If one recognizes fear for what it is - our bodys natural way of putting us into our most superior state. You can than utilize this state to do awesome things.

He also has a brilliant technique to come over phobias which he calls "the pyramid technique". Its basically aversion therapy but broken down into a simple system.

I would also suggest you buy his biography - its inspiring.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Watch-My-Bac.../dp/1840241896

I have never seen ANYONE reference this guy in the community. He's my secret mentor, and now I share him with you.

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

for when you need to face some giant sandworms

That from Dune? Lynch's only disappointing film.


Peace,

kowalski

My AA stem from worrying about the interaction not going well. Rationally, I realise there is no such thing as the perfect way to open, no such thing as the perfect opening line etc but that doesn't stop me reverting to chode mode when I see a HB. I'm currently reading some material on all aspects of game and, in the midst of the advice, the guy mentions how he no longer includes information on opening because opening is just something us blokes need to do; its not enjoyable, it never will be, but you just gotta do it. Regardless.

This snippet really resonated with me:

"The point of opening is NOT for it to go good or bad. The only point of opening is to open and not avoid it. Her reaction doesn't matter. Stop worrying and take the pressure off yourself"

The next stage will then take care of itself, as the more women you open, the quicker you will be able to figure out the right course of action to take based on her initial reaction to you.

Thanks fella. Have ordered cos I like reading books like this..!

to be honest... im very picky about who i approach, alot of the time ill appraoch any girls just for fun but when i see a girl i HAVE to approach in a club, or bar, or the gym

I go to the bathroom look in the mirror swill my face and go RIGHT LETS GO, and i find that instead of goin in head 1st , i prepare myself. thats just my thing with the super hot ones, i have to do otherwise i go to peices

Hey

Approach anxiety can boil down to feeling that it’s new and or its not pleasant from the very beginning, your subconscious will look for excuses and reasons not to do it. The subconscious does not care if it’s good or bad for you. The subconscious wants every thing to be the same. If the situation is the same, then it’s safe. That’s when your logic starts coming up with excuses. By the way logic always follows the subconscious.

Approach and kickass!

I know in most cases u are right... but i find i sit and try and logic reasons FOR doing it... this wasnt always the case but u can RE train ur natural thought process

i trained myself to doing this by critisising myself for days for not doing it, if i dont make a move when i should. at the end of the day... the words you should think the second before approach u should say them out loud FUCK IT

then make ur move