How do?

I have noticed a flaw in allot of peoples game. A flaw I once had but have now covered up with duct tape and wrapping paper. That flaw is what I am eloquently going to call "giving a fuck", poetic almost dont you think?

For a long time, I was stuck in a rut. I had nailed my AA, I had lots of fun routines and jokes and lines and I felt cool as fuck. So I would bounce up to group of woman and run my "game" and they would laugh and giggle and touch me and give me IOIs. So I would isolate some chick and and give the appropriate amount of kino as I locked in with her and them BOOM! She wasn’t having it? What the fuck? This happened ALL the time. I got to the point where I just couldn’t tell what I was doing wrong. I'd turn to my wing and ask "what was up?" he'd be like "you were perfect?" so why didn’t I get mine? Because I gave a fuck that is why.

Now I had heard all the community mantra's - "Dont be outcome dependent" and "Have an abundance mentality" I understood what they meant and logically they made sense to me, yet in reality I wasn’t actually taking them on board to benefit me. Which by the way is what allot of PUA philosophy/strategy is like. You read these things, understand them logically. But then as soon as it comes to putting these ideas in practice they fall by the wayside. I guess because to "be indifferent" you genuinely have to be so. You cant just tell some one to act indifferent. Indifference comes to weather beaten faces, guys with battle scars, who have been there, done that. Only when you have been through the mill can you come out the other side and honestly say, I dont give a fuck, and thats when it clicks.

One thing I always tell new guys is be honest. Honesty is the best policy, always. This is my golden rule. Probably my only rule. Of course when you mix honesty with not giving a fuck, well you have a winning formula. This is my game, that is Jaz's key to success. Here is an example from Saturday night.

I saw a girl that I wanted to sleep with. Nothing more; nothing less. I knew that’s all that was going to happen. So we had kissed and talked and all that jazz. Then when her friend came over, it looked as if they were both going to leave. I just stayed sat down smoking my cig. She said to me.

Girl: "So.. errrr... I suppose we better exchange numbers then?"

Jaz: "Why? I would never ring you"

I say this ALL the time. It’s not in a cocky, arrogant way. I mean it. At that point in time, we had not had sex, we hardly knew each other. The only connection we had was sexual. So to form some sort of relationship from that point in time would be fruitless. I KNOW THIS from experience. Of course if we did go and have sex, get to know each other more, then sure I would take her number and we would communicate in the future. Anyway, here is what happened in that instance:

Girl: "I cant believe you said… NO WAY!"

*the two girls laughed and looked genuinely shocked*

Girl: "It's usually me who does that to men and now I am getting a taste of my own medicine"

The girl in question was a player. She knew the score and needless to say we went home and the deed was done. Honesty + Indifference. That is a small example of the place I come from when I talk to woman. I have tried many times in the past to explain this to people and I have tried even more times to write it down but I cannot seem to articulate it better than that. It is easy I fear for you to misinterpret this for me being brash, standoffish and arrogant. I appeal to you that I am not. Ask anyone who has ever been in field with me to tell you what my interactions are like. I am pleasant, charming and forge friendships easily. So what am I doing to convey my indifference?

A more subtle example: Sometimes during conversation with a girl, I will just trail of and stare into the club – I get distracted easily. Then I will be looking out into the abyss while she is staring at me in silence. She will then prompt me to carry on. I will then smile, apologize and continue with whatever I was talking about. A great technique. I am not rude... I am just easily distracted. Another example: my girl turns away from me and talks to a group of friends or some other dudes I talk to the group briefly then I just wonder off. Sorry, I need entertaining! You have lost me now and this isnt the work of a pouting child. This is me! I have friends in the club... there are woman in the club... come find me in a bit my dear!

So those examples may be a bit lame. Like I said, to emulate those examples is not the way. Remember this isnt fake it until you make it time its an overall attitude. Girls should feel as if they could loose you at any moment. That, as good as a time you two are having together... you could just walk away happily.

I honestly think for most intermediate pua's this is without a doubt the major sticking point in the game. I see these guys approaching woman and putting these woman up on a pedicel. Like they have been chosen, they are the only girls for them, like they are SOUL MATES! The girl will be like:

"I'm just going over there to see my friends"

then the dude will just be like:

"ok.. I will wait here"

WHAT THE FUCK? I would be like:

"Cool! See you in a bit... " then I'm off.

You may be saying "Well Jaz, in that situation the chick is gone for the night, you should have met her friends" Well allow me to retort. Firstly, yes I most probably should go over to see the girls friends. But it also sounds to me like she is brushing you off, she is controlling that interaction. So I would also take that as a queue to go see my pals. But secondly and more importantly - THAT SHIT SHOULDENT HAPPEN! Im not saying I don’t bomb sets and get blown out when I open now and again. But even when I do, guess what? I don’t give a fuck! Genuinely do-not-give-a-shit. But the majority of the time. Its fucking on. The girl is most likely to say to me “Come and see my friends”.

There are things I say to woman now that I would never dare to say when I first started in the community, because it went against the "rules" or I just felt uncomfortable saying them. I TELL girls I am chatting them up now, pretty much all the time. Its honest and I haven’t got the time or inclination to bullshit them. They will be talking to me then I will abruptly interrupt them and say "Just to be clear you understand I am chatting you up right now?" I just want them to acknowledge it. Make no mistake Woman I am here for fun time not a long time. If they get offended by my approach then I'm gone, and I wont curse her name as I do so, I just know I have more options. Indifference. I actually get girls following me around now. Like I will go up to a girl, chat with her, maybe kiss her, Then be like nice to meet you, cheerio!. Then she will be following me around the club for ages. This can get quite annoying.

So there it is. That’s as close as I can get to articulating my game. There is so much more to this that I just cant seem to get out yet. I dunno its weird. But for those guys who feel like they have hit a wall. I would just say, relax and let got. Being honest alleviates some of the stress associated with pick up and if anything it fast tracks you to the bedroom. If you want to sleep with a girl. Tell her. She will appreciate it. Also, be indifferent. That’s easy to say... but difficulty to be. But to re-iterate, you naturally become so over time. When you do though, its fucking ace.

I have so much more to say..... I am just ... stuck! AHHHHHH!

I would like to hear your opinions on this topic please.

EDIT: I have revised that like 3 times now.

nice post.
we spend so long learning to ride a bike falling and crashing, then once masterd we forget what all the fuss was about and just enjoy the ride

I think that's a pretty epic post mate, thanks.

A lot of what you say resonates, I think it will even more so when I get out there and start meeting girls on a regular basis which is what I plan on doing.

What really hits home for me is this point you make about the difference between understanding a concept or mindset, and then integrating that into your game. I have read loads of material and watched heaps of dvd sets and no matter how many epiphanies you experience or lightbulb flashes you get, it doesn't make a jot of difference to your game unless you can actually do it in the field.

Case in point - approach anxiety. I have been out quite literally once, with the sole purpose of sarging. I set myself the target of just speaking to one random girl, and anything past that would be a bonus. Now I have read a heap of stuff on overcoming AA and it all makes perfect sense. But when you're out there with a bunch of guys you just met who are really decently willing you on to make that approach and your heart is pumping and your palms are sweating and you're retreating inside your own head... (breathe)... your rational side can't do shit for you! I did make that approach though and next time I go out I will make two!

Perhaps this re-iterates the importance of just getting out there and doing it and developing a thick skin. At least for AA anyway.

I've totally digressed here. I'll summarise...! I can see exactly where you're coming from. I will try and incorporate an air of indifference into my game, although I think that point may still be a while off for me! But thanks for the post.

Thanks for sharing Jaz, you is my homie. x

For me, pu has been a journey to understand myself better, and this forum and meeting the guys has been fucking awesome. (Much love to you all.)

Ive been out with you Jaz, had some fun nights and seen you in the field. What you do works for you bro, you certainly get the ONS. But I think everyone has to have their own "game", "style" call it what you will.

One thing I've noticed (please correct me if Im wrong) is you have an eye for picking the girl, which I think is half of ONS/night game.

How do you feel after the ONS, how do you feel about yourself, and the girl?

Because in the end thats really all that matter with this stuff, is how it makes you feel.


Dolph x

P.s If you're indifferent and dont post back Im not playing out.

Epic post. Get a sticky on this one!!

I think honesty is the key here.

I love honesty so deeply to the extent that I tend towards a more total disclosure than is required to be considered truthful.

I found from a young age that disclosure gave me a number of powers in the world, one such example of that power is - by disclosing all my activities to my parents they were forced to believe me in all situations, I clearly couldn't be bothered to lie to them irrespective of how naughty my behaviour was or what their response to it may be.

Disclosure also gave me (what I now call) value, i.e. it made most people more attracted to me.


Later I reached a state of self-acceptance. Firstly, through realising that I (as does everyone) exaggerated my own flaws and thought they stood out to others as much as they did to me. Secondly, by coming to understand and adopt a realist concept of perfection (as opposed to the poetic or fairytale concept of perfection), namely it is by virtue of my imperfection that I am realistically perfect.

And all of this was born of honest disclosure and book learning.

I thoroughly disagree with the notion prevalent in the community that you learn nothing from reading. If you believe that, history laughs at you.

Reading, listening to, or watching, seminars etc. is learning largely by the method of authority. Even if you go research what you have read / heard / seen further you are still using the method of authority to acquire knowledge.

To use an example someone recently, and ignorantly, ridiculed from The Blueprint (as it is a shared point of reference) - How do you know that jumping out of a 20 storey window or eating your own shit or drinking bleach or inhaling carbon monoxide is dangerous? Because someone of authority told you they were dangerous. Not through experience, not because you have experimented.

Their authority was so strong in your reality that you accepted what they told you so completely that you have behaved accordingly your entire life.

If you really believe what you are being told by all these PU gurus, then you will adopt the things they are telling you as your own knowledge, your world view becomes aligned with their world view and you will behave accordingly.

There are different methods of attaining and retaining knowledge. The method of authority is the most prevalent, although we kid ourselves that it is the method of enquiry (aka the scientific method) that is the most prevalent.

So how is it most guys read but can't do? It is simply because they don't believe. They are too attached to their pre-existing beliefs (also acquired largely through the method of authority). EVEN THOUGH LIFE EXPERIENCE HAS SHOWN THOSE BELIEFS TO BE FALSE.

So 'Ha' to those who attempt to devalue the method of authority. You are more tied up in it than anyone.


How do you get from where you are now to the place Jaz, I and your favourite PU gurus are describing?

Start with honest disclosure. Tell the truth without censure (everywhere except at work). This will instantly give you power and value that you will feel. And, in time will change your relationship with yourself and the world deeply.

Next, examine your belief system. Discard your failed beliefs and make space for the new knowledge you are recieving. How deeply you believe what you are being told is down to you. If you believe wholeheartedly the reasons why you should be, for example, indifferent, you will be indifferent and you will behave accordingly immediately. It is easy if you make it easy, it is no different than what you have been doing your whole life.


Peace,

kowalski

Interesting observation.

I think that may be an illusion though. I am picky. Sure, I flirt with all sorts of girls just for shits and giggles but in terms of the ONS, I only go for girls that get my blood pumping.

As soon as I see her... I am off. This again is anothe important aspect of game. No point wasting your time on chicks you just think might be up for it. That path is fruitless in more ways than one. If you go for one you truelly like, not only are you most likely going to get it - due to your sub-communication and core intent. But you are going to have a better night!

As far as I am concerned once I have locked onto that chick, she is mine.

At the moment I am going through a reflective period. I dont feel that I need go into it here, as it is unnecesary. Bottom line is this: I have been asked by fellows in the community how my game works. This is half a response really as it is hard for be to articulate myself.

In answer to you question though:

I know I have written some horror stories in the past but that comes with the territory I suppose. Generally speaking tho, after a one night stand I feel fucking awesome. The reason? There is nothing sleazy in what I do. I make a connection with a cool, good looking woman. I am open with her about my intentions. Then WE have a night of fun. The operative word there is WE. Afterward we will chill a talk on an incredible deep level and... well. It amazes me how open woman have spoken to me after we have spent a night together. if it comes up in conversation, I will tell them about this place, about social dynamics, about the community. Becuase, becuse lets face it this is a big part of my life and there is no escaping that fact. They love it. ALLLOT and I do mean damn near EVERYTIME a girl starts telling me about her relationships about problems she has with a lover or boyfriend. They open up to me as I guess they feel comfortable to tell me these things as I have shown such honesty with them, they value my advice.

This makes me feel great man. I should be like an agony aunt or something?

My game is centered around fleeting romance and ONS. Why? Because thats what I want. It isnt selfish, this isnt just for me, I enjoy giving woman pleasure and taking them on cool adventures. Admittedly, as I have stated elsewhere, I feel I am at a turning point. Still trying to work that one out, so when I know more I will let you know.

Dudes! This is great great post!

Wholeheartedly agree with this. I tend to eject if I sense it's too easy. This might seem self distructive. But like Jaz said, I'd rather not put myself under any illusion that I'm taking any product steps in increasing my game skills.

Great points made in your post about stating intent and 'not-giving-a-funk!' - I agree the girls that I've been cocky with are the girls that I'd end up being with.

Jaz - A question though... are you that cocky when you open a set up? I found if I'm too cocky on openning it blows the whole thing up! What's your thoughts?

Good stuff bro. Keep it real. x

True true.

I think what I should have said is you screen out the girls that aren’t going to be ONS very FAST and move on. But that’s because you’re coming from a core belief of her loss, and plenty more fish, which is in fact what your saying.. right!! (First post has been edited for clarity)

And you do it with a bit of jazz and it builds momentum.

Kowalski I was reading this post and i felt like lying naked with you and having sex, but then i read this

And i wanted to slap your hairy face. Take that line out and super awesome post. x