It got me thinking after reading a recent post about how our performance in meeting women is effected by who we are with or if we are alone. We could be the kings of teh club if we are with a top bunch of people but with other people we may feel ill at ease, on our own we may not do as well.

This relates to childhood when we were eager to please our parents. You surely remember when you were trying to pull wheelies on your bike or pretend you were some film character and trying to do stunts to impress your mum and dad. Your parents would reward you with praise, thus in turn making you feel more confident and making you want to try harder stuff.

When you're out with friends or even just new people from the forums you either feel this need to perform to show them you're not all talk. You may end up even getting a lay because you had someone there to witness how awesome you were. But last week you were with a bunch of state sucking zombies who made you feel really nervous so did nothing, you had lots of blowouts but that new person you're with thinks you're a legend. He now has this image of you being this great master.

Little things can make the difference between a bad night or a really awesome night. You might be on you're own in a bar or club and get blow out after blow out from really average girls. This sows the seed in your mind that there must be something wrong with you. Last week you were doing really well, you got 10 numbers from girls above an 8 and now you're getting rejections from girls who are less attractive to say the least.

You're out with your positive friends and you start approaching some really hot women, getting amazing reactions. They see this and think you're a legend but the week after you're on you're own, you're inside your head and can barely string 2 words together. When you do try you get brushoffs, nothing hooks. So what went wrong? Well I believe in many cases we derive our state from positive people so we feel the need to perform, not only for validation but because we know we will have support if we mess up.

On you're own the only validation you get is from the girls you approach. It could go well or really bad but on you're own all you have is yourself. So it is a good idea to practice gaming solo, get used to rejection, see it as practice. For every set that goes badly, ask yourself why taht happened, learn from it but remind yourself, you're awesome and recall in your head all those amazing approaches you did before. It may also be a good idea to write down 5 of your best approaches just to remind yourself you have had success and it can be repeated.

Take it as you haven't seen Blueprint yet.

Actually I have! This probably relates to Core and Situational confidence.

The A udience effect is actually a pschology term I was aware of before I even knew about game.

Was thinking of the bit (in Blueprint) about being seen as a guru and having trainees around looking up to you etc.


Peace,

kowalski

What K means is, although he doesn't speak from experience I do.

It's fucking terrifying when you're EXPECTED to perform. Fuck everything about that.

The main reason nights out are taught with 3 or 4 trainers is for the support. I once saw a guy get a rough response on pretty friendly approach in front of 3 trainees, he seized up and looked like a muppet. He shook it off and forced himself very quickly into a new one which also went down hill.

The worse the result gets the worse the performance, the more stress, pressure, etc. Trainers bond together into groups of friends that really enjoy each other's company in order to build the support for when that happens, it's not good for them when a bad impression is left on trainees.

That said, the trainees had it far worse, all the stress and pressure, none of the experience. In field training under those conditions is just all shades of stupid. Go out with friends, friends you like, friends that are truly supportive. If you don't have them find some from the community, there's always people looking for meet ups. - Not particularly targeted at anyone in this thread, lurkers lurking.

Jay has no idea what my experiences are. What a stupid thing to say.

Also, none of what Jay said is what I meant.


I don't fear having to perform. I thrive off it, it is a thrill. I like it so much I engineer such situations all the time.

This in fact suggests that Jay is less experienced as he still has not been able to get past the fear.


Peace,

kowalski

Apologies K. You're right, I don't know whether you've trained before.

Or in fact, it merely confirms the fact that everyone reacts very differently. I placed own experiences from the company I worked with upon the thread and assumed the same would be that of everyone.

You're now placing your own experiences whether directly relevant or pulled from something you believe would be similar on the situation. Assuming that everyone crosses a threshold and loses fear after x amount of experience, something that is also false.

I shouldn't post at 4am.

I did note that the time of your posts probably played its part.


Peace,

kowalski

Not in writing you didn't?.. Or I'm suffering some severe cognitive issues having only got up in the last hour.

For the record, I should clarify my post a little. Personally it's not so much removing the fear in those situations but merely dealing with it. The unknown is always present and bad things happen. The fear is always there but it can be dealt with and locked away, with experience. Occasionally shit goes south and it'll come out though.

It's not a lack of fear, or no longer fearing the problems, what is gained from experience is the ability to not allow the negatives to affect you.

I don't see this as a lack of fear, it's an ability to deal with it. When you've got something to lose that you care about there's always fear, personally. Reputation in those situations is a massive thing to lose that every single one of them cares about significantly, it's the difference between losing their jobs and not often. Every single time is important, especially in the ego driven environments it all revolves around.

Dependant on situation, the fear can be completely removed, upon the realisation that there's really nothing of worth to lose.